Vessel for God

My Two Cents (or is it Two Dollars?)

2012-01-20T21:36:00.002-05:00

Can I be honest about something? Well, if I couldn't, I wouldn't deign to write a blog in the first place, but I have to say this.

While I appreciate the intentions and the ideas that the Occupation movement has, I find myself more irritated with it than in agreement with it. Let me help you see from my perspective:

1. Yes, it is dumb that the so-called 1% is disproportionately richer than the rest of the world. However, when you look at third world countries, and places where people pick through garbage because they can't find anything else to eat, you have to admit that we're pretty lucky.

2. Debt sucks. This is a fact. However, as soon as you hit 18, the government considers you an adult, and you are expected to work for a living. Food does not put itself on the table. Sometimes this requires having multiple jobs. Heck- I worked two jobs full time for two years to pay off my school debt. If I had had my own apartment at the time, I would have had to have worked three jobs. At the same time, it taught me a lesson. First of all, I will never enlist for a credit card unless it is absolutely, life-threateningly necessary. The temptation to spend beyond my means would be too much. Second, unless I know I can pay off a debt eventually, I refuse to take out loans. I currently have only one loan. I'd like it to be none, but I needed a car (and when I say "needed," I mean needed). To have a car, an apartment, or anything else that requires upkeep, one needs at least one job. Yes, the economy sucks right now. Yes, it is next to impossible to find a job. Yes, it is ridiculous that one has to work multiple jobs to make ends meet. At the same time, nothing has changed. This has been the way for a very, very long time. Unless you have a job that is high up on the company ladder, and you give your very, very best to that company (which leads to that place on the ladder, by the way), you will not get a huge paycheck. In fact, if you whine about how much your job sucks, do you really think your boss won't notice? Yes, there are terrible bosses out there, as well as jobs that are, to put it politely, really awful. I have had good jobs, and I've had terrible ones, but I have learned something from both. If your attitude is right, and the quality of your work is good (and efficient), someone will notice. Never be under the illusion that cleaning toilets is beneath you. It can pay very well (and I should know... it's part of my job) –– it may even lead to having a management position. So be patient. Don't expect the world to be handed to you on a silver platter. It doesn't work that way, and it hasn't since Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden.

3. Those people in the 1%? They work just as hard as the rest of us, I am sure. The higher up the ladder you go, the more headaches and responsibilities you have on your hands. Trust me- I would not envy them one bit. They may have the cars and the houses and the indoor pools and whatnot, but... Imagine how high the insurance is on those spazzy cars, how much it costs to repair them, and what if it gets scratched? I have my moments when I'd love to speed down the Autobahn in a Ferrari or some such fancy car, but they pass as quickly as the aforementioned car would pass my late Oldsmobile –– fleetingly. And besides... I prefer lakes to pools.

4. V for Vendetta was... no, is an awesome movie. I love it... BUT I'm afraid that recent events have almost ruined it for me. While the use of the Guy Fawkes mask had a very poigniant purpose in the movie, I do not see a resemblance between current events and the events in film. Frankly, I am sick of seeing references to it. I want to hurl my laptop across the room when I see pictures of people wearing masks on Facebook. Is the government inefficient and possibly insane? Probably. Do I think I could run things better? Nope. While I disagree with several things the leadership in this country (and in the state of Massachusetts) have done, I would not challenge them unless they fully went against my beliefs. Since I don't see the President proclaiming himself a god or acting like King Edward Longshanks (watch Braveheart again), I'm not planning on taking up the sword or the pen against my government. Seriously. If you think this is oppression, you really need to read the history books a bit more thoroughly (as well as George Orwell's Animal Farm and The Trial by Franz Kafka). If anything, our government needs our prayers. I wouldn't want their jobs, even if you paid me an eight digit salary. Have they failed us at all? Absolutely, but we need to forgive them for it anyway. They are human, just like the rest of us. They make mistakes, just like the rest of us. Sometimes they're big mistakes. Really big. If we really want to make a difference to this country, though, the first issues that need to be dealt with are the ones at the root of the situation. Changing Presidents won't do it. Switching which government party is in control definitely won't do it, and neither will sticking to the same old parties we've had from the beginning. Honestly, the best way to change things is to think for yourself. Stop following bandwagons. Form your own opinions, but base them on something solid –– not on passing fads –– then base your decisions on that.

5. I am thoroughly convinced that the invention of credit cards has been one of the major causes of the economic issues at hand. If people didn't spend money they don't have on things they don't need, and will never be able to earn enough to pay for in their lifetime... I also think it's an issue that most of our products are made in foreign countries by people making far, far less than what we'd consider minimum wage... because it's cheaper. That is pure greed. [For some reason, that saying (which comes from the Bible, incidentally, and has nothing to do with karma) comes to mind, "You reap what you sow."] If you are really, really serious about stopping the vicious greed of the supposed 1%, you should try and give them some competition and start your own companies –– and provide some jobs for the 99%, while you're at it. Back in the 40's, the economy was booming because we were making everything on our own soil. When war came, it was considered patriotic to save metal so that our troops would have bullets. Women knit socks for troops. People bought war bonds. It was a joint effort. Everyone knew what it took to keep things rolling. Work ethic was expected, not just hoped for. What has happened? Unless I have a warped sense of history, something painfully terrible and severe has happened to us culturally which has caused us to have a feeling of being "entitled" to get whatever we want.

So, forgive me if I have been blunt, but my tongue (or pen, rather) can only be held back for so long before it begins to chafe at the bit.

Deliverance

2012-01-06T00:25:00.002-05:00

So many people overcomplicate deliverance and healing. It is quite simple, really. Light drives away the darkness. Jesus is the Light. He drives away demons and sickness. He is inside of every person who has accepted Him into their hearts. You don't have to have a degree in theology or exorcism to cast out demons and heal the sick. You just have to have Jesus in your heart.

What goes on in my mind?

2011-12-14T13:53:00.000-05:00

There are several things I purposefully don't write about. Whatever my reasons are, I lack a certain boldness at times. Today, the cowardice ends. Today, I speak my heart.

Do you remember that verse... "A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand; but it won't come near you." (Psalm 91:7)? It keeps coming to mind as I look at situations around me. I watch carefully the people around me- especially those of my generation. When I see someone go from a passionate relationship with the King of Kings to a cold, faithless life, it hurts more deeply than if they had betrayed me. It isn't because they've "lost their faith" that it bothers me, but because I have seen them fall and lose something even more important. See, I don't consider Christianity a cold, heartless religion. If you can define it as "religion," you have already lost the point of it. It is a relationship of the deepest kind, and just as any relationship, it is completely by choice that one remains steadfast in it.

I became a part of the Kingdom when I was only 3 years old. It was not because I realized I had a sinful life, although I had a good understanding of right and wrong at the time. I had realized then that there is more to this world than meets the eye. Beneath the skin of the physical world you see, there is a spiritual realm. Each effects the other. Within the spirit realm, there are two kingdoms- that of light, and that of darkness. I knew this, and I chose the light. Why? I understood that it was God's original intention that all of mankind be a part of His family, that He is far more powerful than any darkness out there. I knew that this commitment meant that I became a citizen of Heaven, a friend of God. I was not brainwashed, and I was not forced. Since then, I have had my moments and my times of my own kind of rebellion, and I still have them. I have also learned that the deeper you grow into a relationship with God, the higher the standard He holds you to. This means thoughts, words spoken, sometimes other things. For Sampson, it was keeping his hair long and not having any fruit of the vine. For John the Baptist, it was a weird diet. Does that mean God wants us to have long hair and not eat grapes? No, but if there is something God has asked me to not do, I intend to listen rather than have to deal with the consequences, understanding that if I don't listen, I will take it like an adult and not complain when the consequences hit (or at least, I'll try).

At the same time, there is a freedom that comes with this whole shindig that is beyond any other freedom. As Jesus said in Matthew 7, "Ask and it shall be given unto you..." I have asked God for things that would seem completely silly, yet somehow they are important to me. When I go on walks, I sometimes ask Him to let the wind come straight at my face, because I love that feeling. More often than not, He humors me. I just happened to mention to Him that I desperately needed a new car, and He gave me my dream car. The fact that it broke down on the highway did not cause me to lose my faith, as I knew that it was mine, and He would deal with it. I almost equate it with when He asked Abraham to sacrifice his only long wished for son, then as the knife was raised, He provided a ram for the sacrifice. He wanted to make sure that Abraham's heart was not so fully focused on his son that he'd forget about God - and He showed an effective picture of His own sacrifice (Jesus dying for us). I have a feeling this is how it is with my car. At any rate, I know that I can boldly ask for things, and He will provide them. To be honest, there are times when I feel somewhat spoiled (but I'm not complaining!). This also bears a responsibility- be careful what you ask for.

So what is it that really bothers me when others lose their faith?
1. They have lost that freedom and joy that they once had.
2. The kingdom of darkness has them deceived, causing them to believe that they have found a "different" way. The truth is, there is only ONE Truth, ONE Way, and ONE source of Life.
3. I begin to feel a bit alone in terms of having spiritual brothers and sisters, especially when it is someone roughly my age. I know I'm not the only one who has that relationship with God, but the pressure begins to build, and I feel like mourning.
4. There is a certain loss of identity that comes with losing Him, and I can imagine that there is a certain amount of "Who am I? What am I? How do I fit into this world?" spinning around in one's head. It's bad enough when you go through this while growing up, but it's even worse to go through it a second or third time.

So that's my thoughts, and I'm sticking to them.

Ancient of Days

2011-12-11T00:01:00.001-05:00

Whispered words in Your ear –– a moment of intimate speech in the great halls of Heaven.

Ancient of Days –– I love to hear You called that!
You have been since long before creation –– forever and ever.
No one can fathom the depths of time that You have lived.
You were slain before the foundations of the earth,
And yet, You still came as a man and died for us.
The only King I know of who bears a crown of thorns,
Scars marring the once smooth skin of Your body.
Those marks speak of the greatest battle fought and won ––
Not merely in the seen realm, but also in the unseen.
Not even the greatest of warriors could have borne such a feat.
And for what did You fight?
The most precious of treasure –– far more costly than gold,
Worth more than all the empires of humanity ––
The redemption of mankind.
Fellowship, relationship, love.
These are the things You value.
You missed walking in the garden with us in the cool of the day.
What words were spoken in those times?
What was the conversation between You and our mother and father?
Or did words need to be spoken?
Joy filled faces as they discovered a new thing each day.
Words of admiration, awe, and worship flowing from their mouths,
All spoken in the language of Heaven.
Did You dance with them in the garden?
Did You play hide and seek?
Though we have caused You pain beyond reckoning,
We are still Your favourite creation,
Made in Your image.
Made to rule and to reign –– to steward and serve.
Each race and tribe given a unique territory to care for.
Each person given a specific mantle –– a certain grace ––
To speak and act with authority in the land.
O, Ancient of Days, how could I ever fathom Your ways?
Let my feet ever walk the path You have set before me.

Comments on Psalms between 55 and 65

2011-10-02T21:17:00.000-04:00

(All verses are quoted from the Complete Jewish Version)

Psalm 55:13-15:
    For it was not an enemy who insulted me; if it had been, I could have borne it. It was not my adversary who treated me with scorn; if it had been, I could have hidden myself. But it was you, a man of my own kind, my companion, whom I knew well. We used to share our hearts with each other; in the house of God we walked with the crowd.
v. 21 & 22:
    [My companion] attacked those who were at peace with him; he broke his solemn word. What he said sounded smoother than butter, but his heart was at war. His words seemed more soothing than oil, but in fact they were sharp swords.
    One thing I appreciate about the Psalms is their blunt honesty. David experienced all kinds of hardships during his life, including betrayal by those closest to him. He certainly was not perfect, as we well know, but he is a pretty extreme example of the grace of God (in pre-Jesus days, no less!).
    Anyhow, one case of betrayal I can think of in his life was when one of his mighty men killed Absalom. I guess you have to hear the full story for it to make sense (but not in detail, because that takes too long). It has to do with screwed up family issues and a son taking matters into his own hands. That same son rebelled and nearly dethroned David (not the natural order of things in that particular dynasty). Civil war erupted, and in the course of battle, Absalom (the son) got caught in a tree while riding (sounds random, but that’s what happened). One of David’s mighty men (I think it was Jeroboam?) found him and killed him. David was quite upset, understandably, and I don’t think the results were too pretty. He would have extended a certain amount of grace to his son if he had been able to capture him alive, I am sure of it. For some reason, this story sticks in my head very well…
    Anyhow, I think I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get what David was saying in these verses. It hurts a hell of a lot more when someone I am close to betrays or insults me. At the same time, this fact does not prevent me from developing friendships on a deeper level - that would be very unwise, because we all need close friends. I’ve learned to be very careful about who I talk to about what. And I always try to remember - no matter what - that we are all human, and bound to make mistakes.

Psalm 57 is just incredible.

Psalm 58:12:
    And people will say, “Yes, the righteous are rewarded; there is, after all, a God who judges the earth.”

Psalm 59 is also pretty awesome.

Psalm 60:13 & 14:
    Help us against our enemy, for human help is worthless. With God’s help we will fight valiantly, for He will trample our enemies.

Psalm 65:1:
    To you, God, in Zion, silence is praise; and vows to you are to be fulfilled.
    I want to emphasize the phrase, “Silence is praise.” That’s pretty darn cool.

Psalm 63:4b:
    My lips will worship you.
    Note that it doesn’t say “I will worship you.” It says “My lips will worship you.” This Psalm has more than one body part doing this, which is pretty cool if you think about it. Am I crazy for noticing this? Probably, but having taken language classes, I pay attention to weird details like this. Things that seem to take action on their own, which words were chosen by the writer, and what they mean at heart rather than on the surface: “I will/would” usually means more than just a future tense (future participle? I forget the exact term) of something in older writings. It can mean, “I desire that [fill in event/action].” So, if you pull that into reading this sentence, it could read like this: “My lips plan to/want to worship you.” If the words were “My lips shall worship you,” this would read just a bit differently.

    Just for fun, here’s the origins of “will” (American Oxford Dictionary):

ORIGIN Old English wyllan, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch willen, German wollen, from an Indo-European root shared by Latin velle ‘will, wish.’

If the words were “My lips shall worship you,” this would read just a bit differently.

    For fun again, info on the distinction between “will” and “shall” (American Oxford Dictionary):

USAGE There is considerable confusion about when to use shall and will. The traditional rule in standard English is that shall is used with first person pronouns (I and we) to form the future tense, while will is used with second and third persons (you, he, she, it, they): : I shall be late;: she will not be there. When expressing a strong determination to do something, the traditional rule is that will is used with the first person, and shall with the second and third persons: : I will not tolerate this;: you shall go to school. In practice, however, shall and will are today used more or less interchangeably in statements (although not in questions). Given that the forms are frequently contracted (we'll, she'll, etc.), there is often no need to make a choice between shall and will, another factor no doubt instrumental in weakening the distinction. In modern English, the interchangeable use of shall and will is an acceptable part of standard U.S. and British English.

I shoulda’ been a linguist. I love etymology… and words. Of course, there is one key thing I am leaving out here- the Psalms weren’t written in a Germanic tongue. I wonder what Dr. Suuqiina would have to say about this phrase of a verse...

I am seriously going to sound crazy here, but I don't care.

2011-08-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

For those who know me, seeing me walking around in military coats or just camouflage/drab/khakis/army boots is a normal occurrance. In fact, seeing me in anything else is almost a shock to some (unless you really do see me all the time). I even have camouflage "combat" dance shoes. It's probably a mystery to most of you. Let me explain away the confusion.

It's not a power thing or a "muscle" thing. I'm not trying to be masculine. In no way do I ever desire to be a man, even when being a woman is aggravating (and trust me, it can be). I do NOT have gender identity issues, and I never have. I may have said a few times, "I don't particularly like being female right now," but I deeply believe that the majority of women have said this -- and if they don't admit it, they're lying between their teeth. Right, ladies? So, now that we've thrown that theory aside... Oh, the muscles and the power? Hmmm... Let me put it this way. As the great Spiderman's uncle once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." I very warily ponder whether to accept any kind of power/authority when it is offered me. Ask any boss I've worked for (who has asked, that is). I always say, "Let me think about it," even if I think I might be capable. I don't like accepting such promotions without first considering the "consequences," and I certainly don't like asking for them. I'd rather prove my worth as a grunt worker and learn everything there is to know before I take any additional responsibility. So, out with the power. Muscles? Okay, so I have some hefty arm muscles (and possibly leg muscles), for someone my size. I probably do flex them every now and then, but I'm nowhere near as strong as a 200 lb. six foot three man (don't hate me for getting weight-height ratios wrong... I never paid attention to that stuff). I definitely don't slack off when it comes to pulling my weight/carrying weight (especially at work, where we have NO elevators, and lots of stuff to carry between 4-5 floors), and so... my muscles grow. That only mildly touches on why I would ever wear military style clothing.

Do I like the colours? Absolutely. I love the way drab green brings out the slight amount of green in my hazel eyes (yes, they are multi-coloured). However, I also have strong leanings towards other earthy colours and (GASP) red. Yes, I love to wear red. It's just so.... red... and fiery. And golden yellow? Now we're talking! Pink? Maybe, when I'm in the rare mood to wear it. But that doesn't at all explain the style I love to wear. Honestly, let's get down to brass knuckles here!

Two reasons in particular should settle this matter entirely:

1. I am in the army of God. I've never been in the military, and I've always said I don't know if I'd make it through boot camp (although one boss I had begged to differ, saying that if I could make it through a busy day at my job, I could make it through boot camp). I do have a long, militant stride, but no real military influence in my life. Still, I do often imagine, especially when I get walking in that gait, that I'm marching wherever, one hand swinging, the other steadying a rifle slung over my shoulder. Call me crazy, but that's where my mind goes - much like a kid who pretends he's chasing down criminals as part of the FBI (I can't think of what a little girl would imagine, except maybe horseback riding as a princess? I never was that girly... I always imagined myself as a queen, or a military leader... go figure). My imagination has ever run wild. Anyhow, part of the army of God... Hmmm... How does one explain that? As a part of the Kingdom of Heaven, I am a citizen of heaven, part of its army, and one fragment of the Bride of Christ. My imagination loves running with this, and my mind is completely at peace with it. It sounds absolutely crazy and foolish, but it's something I've always had in the back of my mind, if not the front of my thoughts.

2. I have always thought of God as my heavenly Papa/Daddy/Father, but also as the Lover of my soul. He is an extreme romantic, and I know that for sure! Do you remember watching movies, especially the classic ones, and the guy is in love with a girl, they get caught in the rain, and he lends her his coat so she doesn't catch cold? I used to have this trench coat someone gave to me, and while I was mostly thrilled to have it because it was an authentic army trench coat from the 50's (yes, the 50's!), I realized something very quickly. It was far too big for me. It was almost like someone had lent me his trenchie to keep me warm. Seriously- picture a young lady who's barely 5 feet tall wearing a trench coat that's probably just as long as she is tall (in other words, dragging on the ground, probably). I ran that coat into the ground, I loved it so much. The buttons were falling off, the bottom hem was all torn up, and yet I didn't want to get rid of it, because I was holding onto that feeling, like Papa had lent me His coat. Let me tell you- if that doesn't give you goosebumps, you don't know my Papa (not to mention the feeling of wearing a real piece of history on top of that...). This is the main reason why a trench coat has been on my Christmas/birthday list for the past few years. As many military coats as I've bought/been given over time, nothing beats that trenchie... not even the British jacket that fits so well and has a million pockets (including a pen pocket on the sleeve!), and I love that coat, too. Does that make a piece of clothing sound overly important to my life? Probably. Do I care? Nope.

So, I hope that explains (or mayhaps mystifies further) one surface aspect of my life that has forever confused the people around me (okay, so not all of them- some folks get it, no questions asked, but those are few and far between). And yes, it is still on my wishlist... and yes, my family knows it, and is probably chuckling right now...

In His Eyes

2011-07-25T17:24:00.002-04:00

What do I see in His eyes?
Whole galaxies yet unmade.
Places barely thought of.
Creatures unimagined.
The light of Heaven, pure and unfettered.
Love that is fiercer than lions and stronger than death.
Kingly authority, love of the Shepherd,
Submission to the Father, joy beyond reckoning.
Hope and peace, dissuading all turmoil and dismay.
Outrageous grace that brings tears for its tenderness.
Freedom for the captives and healing to the unwhole.
Loyalty beyond my capacity, and an offer of covenant.

Just a thought

2011-06-12T19:37:00.000-04:00

I am convinced that King David (of the old testament) had a grasp of salvation. Why do I think this? If you read about his life and read his psalms, it's obvious that he knew of God's grace, and of His power. No one in their right mind would have eaten the shewbread from the table in the Temple without first having a revelation of heavenly sonship (the shewbread- 1 Samuel 21:6; sonship- "For we are joint heirs with Christ..." Romans 8:17), and certainly not without some sense of God's grace and mercy. David knew he was imperfect, yet he was bold to come to the Lord with anything that was on his heart. The battles he fought were not merely physical battles- when he played the harp for Saul, he was fighting a spiritual battle. How is this all possible? Let's think about this verse: "And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world." (Revelation 13:8) God is outside of time.

David is one of my heros.

The Cross

2011-01-27T16:00:00.000-05:00

I don't normally use the cross much in artwork, nevermind beadwork. I often feel like it will cause some to turn away, which it very well could, but that shouldn't be my focus. Really, I shouldn't be ashamed of it. That being said...

This necklace holds a lot of symbolism for me. I'll start with the center of it. A pastor gave each member of his church (which I was part of) an olive wood cross made in Jerusalem. I held onto it for a few years before finally figuring out what to do with it.

Olives are crushed when being processed for oil. Likewise, Jesus (or Yeshua, as I've come to call Him) was crushed, beaten, spit at, etc. As terrible as it was, this abuse and eventual death led to the redemption of mankind. Do you see where I'm going with this?

On either side of the cross are colorful wooden beads. They're yellow, red, green, and blue. Red is for the blood of Christ. The blue is a representation of royalty and the heavenlies, as well as revelation. Green is life. Yellow is often glory. Most of these colors are carried on in the necklace (aside from yellow and the red). The earthy colored chips are in sets of five. I did this on purpose. Five, for whatever reason, somehow represents grace. I used the earthy chips to say that God has grace with us, no matter how messy we get. The green chips come in threes to represent the Trinity, and their color reminds me of life and light... and new growth, resurrection power, etc. The blue chips are a very sky-like blue, and I put them in sevens, because seven is the number of perfection. The gold hearts were meant to remind me of the heart of the Father.

The two bears are to remind me of a story told by a visiting pastor, which very closely resembles the story of Yeshua's death and resurrection. I can't tell it as well as he did. I can't even come close. Besides... it's his story, and I won't steal it from him.

The beads with the diamond pattern reminded me of clay, even though they're glass. One of them has a flaw, which fits in, because we are imperfect (without Him). The diamond pattern also reminds me that my God is not poor...

I think that about covers it?

Grandparents

2010-11-25T01:54:00.000-05:00

I have thought a lot about my grandparents lately, and what I remember best about them. I miss them dearly, especially when I clean for the elderly, or hear of someone else’s grandparents. Let me tell you what I know about them. I might not remember everything accurately, but I do remember.

Nanny and Grampa Brinton- I still don’t know why we called her “Nanny.” It’s a complete mystery to me. Her birthname was “Dormatilde-Marie Deveau,” and she went by “Tilly.” I guess she didn’t like the full name. She loved wildlife, even the black bears that would raid the bird-feeders (and the garbage shed). I think “The Bear” must’ve been her favorite movie. Cats were the pets of choice, and each one had a distinctive personality. She had grown up in a Catholic home, but was told that she “asked too many questions,” so she sought her own way. She got into the occult, until one day a JW came to her door. Well, she read their book, and realized that they don’t go by their own book (although, to be honest, one does have to admire their determination). Somehow or other, she came to Christ, and became a powerful intercessor (God listens to mothers’ prayers!). She also used to be a schoolbus-driver, which my Grampa would tell stories about quite often. Known for her generosity, there were a few times in which she overdrew the family bank account by giving to others. She would always send us grandkids a five-dollar bill with our birthday/Christmas cards, and she’d sneak a bigger tip to the waitress after a meal. I always thought she had curly hair, until I saw her one day without her wig. She’d tell me how she’d never had long hair like mine, and she’d find long hairs from me months after I’d been there. I still remember the night we got the phone call that she had passed away. Grampa was certainly an eccentric (and that’s the only word I think will fit). He definitely had some of the mentality of the Depression hanging around in his mind (shutting off lights the moment you walk away from the room, keeping things, etc.), and his way of thinking was certainly… unique. He used to try to show me how to shoot a golf ball (note: I said “tried”). He loved golf. He got Nanny to like Tiger Woods (mind you, both passed on before the whole scandal with TW). He would repeatedly tell the same stories over and over again, and we would listen until he finished. I remember asking him once about his childhood, and he told me this sad story of how his father died. I think he truly felt guilty over it. After Nanny died, you could tell that he really missed her. He’d say, “We went to [insert restaurant name] today, and…” That was very painful to see. I probably had more interaction with him than with any of my grandparents, and we actually had a few very good discussions. When he passed on, my mom played the bagpipes at his memorial service.

Gramma and Grampa Riley- I don’t remember much of Gramma Riley. She could barely talk by the time I was old enough to be aware of her, because of a nasty stroke and asthma. She was an amazing artist (though it didn’t quite click until years after she died).I dearly wish I’d been able to get to know her better, but she died when I was little. Grampa, though, is a slightly different story. He absolutely loved his Celtic heritage, to the point that he would blast a bagpipe record if he thought his kids were sleeping in too late. He was awesome in the kitchen, concocting all sorts of wild things, and always experimenting. In fact, the day he died, he’d made a batch of chili so hot that even he couldn’t eat it. He didn’t die because of that, though. He was as healthy as a horse, walking his Irish setters every day (and by “walking,” I mean “taking a looooooooooong hike with”), and just… being healthy. His death was odd, in that a major artery burst, and that was that. Apparently, he went out with a smile on his face. Anyhow, he also had a talent with woodworking, though he rarely finished a piece. While on his long walks, he would clean up areas where people had left broken bottles and garbage lying around. It made him angry to find such things (and rightly so). His favorite tree was the beech (I only remember this, because he made a carving of beech leaves). He smoked a tobacco pipe, and the scent of pipe tobacco still reminds me of him. My mom played her bagpipes at his gravesite when she went to her high school reunion.

None of my grandparents ever entered into a nursing home, which says quite a lot for them. I don’t think any of them, on either side, would have wanted to be in one. They lived long, full lives, but that doesn’t make me wish any less that I could still learn more from and about them.

The Warrior's Choice

2010-08-15T16:09:00.002-04:00

I've brought this one back, because I found a verse to go with it, and it's very appropriate...

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 -
“I call on heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have presented you with life and death, the blessing and the curse. Therefore, choose life, so that you will live, you and your descendants, loving Adonai your God, paying attention to what he says and clinging to him –– for that is the purpose of your life! On this depends the length of time you will live in the land Adonai swore he would give to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Try to imagine with me a warrior, valiant in battle and as high in rank as he can be. His raiment is rich, and his armor is shined and polished daily by others chosen for the task. On his shoulders hangs a rich cloak denoting his rank, the most embellished gold and silver holding it in place. His sword, exquisitely shaped and sharper than a razor, hangs at his back from a baldric covered in goldwork, silverwork, and studded with precious jewels. On him, he carries several weapons, each as deadly as the other. His shield is of the best quality, bearing his noble crest and without crack or dent. On his head is a magnificent helm, with feathers in it.
He serves no king, only himself. If he has any kingdom, it is as the grass of the field, which withers away with the beginning of cold. It is likely to be swept aside by the forces of a more powerful empire.
He is fighting for his life in battle. It is dark, he has few men left, and he is wounded badly. He stumbles, unable to keep his balance, and his remaining men abandon him for dead.
He keeps quiet, hoping to fool the enemy into thinking he is dead, his sword ready under a relaxed hand on the ground.
An enemy discovers him and promptly disarms him. He does not cry out in fear, but instead snarls at his enemy with a gleam in his eye. The enemy king comes and inspects the scene.
“Bring him before me at the camp.” he says, “Let him have his sword.”
The warrior finds himself being carried roughly by his upper arms by two dark soldiers, one of which is carrying his sword. He struggles, but is too tired and feeble to make any difference.
When he is thrown to his knees before the enemy king, and his sword is dropped in front of him, he is barely strong enough to grasp its hilt and drag it nearer. The king steps closer.
“You are broken,” the king gloats, “and you are unable to leave this place without death taking you.”
He wrenches the sword from the warrior’s weak hands and swings upwards.
“Have you no mercy?” cries the warrior in dismay.
“Mercy? I have none.” the king says.
“Do you not take prisoners for ransom?” the warrior demands.
“Not until the high king himself offers me his life.”
The warrior does not know of this high king, but he suspects this action is unlikely to save him now.
“Remember me when you scream with agony in hell.” the king requests, just before he gives the life-ending blow to the once mighty warrior.

Now, imagine the same warrior with the same rank he started with, all the same equipment, and the same short-lived kingdom at his command. He is kneeling before the highest king in all the world. He draws his beautiful sword and holds it flat in his hands for a moment, then takes the handle with both his hands and drives it into the ground. The mighty warrior throws himself prostrate before the king in complete submission.
He does not know this king very well. The king would do very well to take up the warrior’s sword and end his life, and the warrior knows this. He is not afraid to risk it. He is even willing to give his life, if it pleases the king.
The king pulls the sword from the earth.
“Rise.”
The warrior obeys.
“If you wish, you may give your allegiance to me.” the king says, “But if you do not choose to do so, you will go back to your armies and continue to fight me. The decision will still be open to you. If you choose allegiance, you will join my armies at the rank you have now, and you will be able to call on me for aid. What say you?”
“Everything that I am is yours.”
The king smiles, handing the sword back to him.
“Keep this, and remember me by it.”

One king offers death, the other life. It is your choice to which you trust your allegiance.

Grace

2010-07-22T19:22:00.000-04:00

I just wrote this today (Yay! Something fresh!):

Grace

I look at Your face,
And I dare to call You Lover,
Though You are my King.
Even when I was amongst the mockers
And those who spat on You,
You laid down Your life for me.
Many times have I
Wandered off the path You set before me,
Presuming that I knew the way,
Yet you stood by and waited
Until I stumbled and cried for help.
You held out Your hand and picked me up.
How can such a Love be?
Utmost King of Glory,
Though I be the poorest, most wretched being in existence,
You have given me the greatest treasure in all the universe.
You offered Your heart and Your kingdom,
And Your covenant promises,
Which hold true through the ages.

7/22/10

Lord of the Dance

2010-07-13T21:56:00.002-04:00

I don't remember whether I've posted this before or not, but I love this song. It's set to the tune of "Simple Gifts" (a hymn), though I find it much more lively than Simple Gifts... Being a dancer, it always catches me just the right way... My mom sung this at her father's funeral, which he would have been proud of (he loved everything Celtic). Anyhow, without further ado:

Lord of the Dance

I danced in the morning when the world was young
I danced in the moon, and the stars, and the sun
I came down from Heaven and I danced on the Earth
At Bethlehem I had my birth

Dance, then, wherever you may be
I am the lord of the dance said he
And I lead you all wherever you may be
And I lead you all in the dance said he

I danced for the Pharoah and the pharisees
They wouldn't dance, they wouldn't follow me
I danced for the fishermen James and John
They came with me so the dance went on

Dance, then, wherever you may be
I am the lord of the dance said he
And I lead you all wherever you may be
And I lead you all in the dance said he

I danced on the Sabbath and I cured the lame
The holy people said it was a shame
They ripped me and they stripped me and they hung me high
Left me there on the cross to die

Dance, then, wherever you may be
I am the lord of the dance said he
And I lead you all wherever you may be
And I lead you all in the dance said he

I danced on a Friday when the world turned black
It's hard to dance with the devil on your back
They buried my body; they thought I was gone
But I am the dance, and the dance goes on

Dance, then, wherever you may be
I am the lord of the dance said he
And I lead you all wherever you may be
And I lead you all in the dance said he

The Beauty of Israel

2010-06-12T13:11:00.003-04:00

I just added a link on my site for this shop:

http://www.thejerusalemgiftshop.com/

They have beautifully designed jewelry, shofars, oils, books, beauty products, banners, artwork, music, and countless other gifts. There is also a section of news from the Israeli perspective, which is often left out in the regular media:

http://www.thejerusalemgiftshop.com/israelinews/index.php

And, as Psalm 122:6-9 says,
^"6-9 Pray for Jerusalem's peace!
Prosperity to all you Jerusalem-lovers!
Friendly insiders, get along!
Hostile outsiders, keep your distance!
For the sake of my family and friends,
I say it again: live in peace!
For the sake of the house of our God, God,
I'll do my very best for you."

Shalom!

It's not just music to me

2010-05-12T20:39:00.003-04:00

I remember a question asked of the class by a teacher in grade school, "Why do you like the music you listen to?" In hindsight, I should have spoken up. The only answer I remember someone giving was, "I like the beat."

Music isn't just music to me. It's the result of a person ripping their chest open and showing us what's inside. Every part of it is important- the beat, the melodies and harmonies, the lyrics, the instruments used or not used, the vocals... all of it. To me, it is a powerful language expressing things that mere words cannot even begin to say.

At any rate, there is a song by Kutless that caught me when I heard the lyrics (the entire album is amazing, and this is just the first song... Look up the lyrics to "Winds of Change" sometime...):

Hearts of the Innocent

I'm looking into the eyes of hopelessness
They're crying out to me
I see the pain
It's so much more than youth should know
It tears me apart
What can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end

Can't you see, we're crushing the hearts of the innocent
We're teaching them to fail
And how it breaks me to see how we're living
And punishing the ones that need us to care
To see them hurtin
Feels like knuckles to the back of my head

Where have the days gone that a promise was forever
Families stuck together
We wonder why their generation struggles to get by
There's no one to help
What can I do to change what I see
This vicious cycle must come to an end

We do not fight against flesh and blood...

2010-05-09T13:34:00.003-04:00

Ephesians 6:10-13-

“Finally, grow powerful in union with the Lord, in union with His mighty strength! Use all the armor and weaponry that God provides, so that you will be able to stand against the deceptive tactics of the Adversary. For we are not struggling against human beings, but against the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers governing this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly [spiritual] realm. So take up every piece of war equipment God provides; so that when evil comes, you will be able to resist; and when the battle is won, you will be standing.” (Complete Jewish Version)

Normally, I’d include the rest of this passage here –– one of my favorites in the Bible. However, I think it would distract from my main point, at the moment.

We aren’t here to fight with people.
Fighting, in this case = with words, actions, attitudes, combat, etc.
Nope. None of that nonsense. We have a higher purpose on this planet. We are here to a.) glorify God, and b.) fight for humanity. So what, exactly, are we fighting against? The powers of darkness...

Now the armor...

1. Belt of Truth: God’s truth wrapped around our waists to protect us from the deceptions (false perceptions) of the enemy. It also holds our armor together and carries our weaponry and possessions.

2. Breastplate of Righteousness: God’s righteousness protecting our hearts, because our own righteousness is “as filthy rags.”

3. Shod with the Peace that Passes Understanding: I may be paraphrasing on this one, but... yeah. Walking in His peace, keeping our feet from the wear and tear of spiritual warfare –– because footwork is a major thing in combat, the first thing they teach you, in fact. We need to be able to stand our ground with peace in our hearts, so that we don’t lose our foothold.

4. Shield of Truth/Faith: Trusting Him for every need, because He is our Strength and our Shield. Without this, we are easy targets. Romans had shields that linked together, uniting them in a nearly unstoppable force. Sometimes the shields were oiled, to blind the enemy when the sun shone on them.

5. Helmet of Salvation: Adopted into God’s family, we are given the mind of Christ, and His authority. Royalty would have a crown as part of their helmet, in the olden days...

6. Sword of the Word of God: God’s word from our lips pierces the darkness. This isn’t just stuff from the Bible, though. Sometimes it is things the Lord has shared with you –– either straight from Him, or through someone/something else. Occasionally, I remind Him of things He’s said to me, to let Him know I have not forgotten and still hold Him to it.

7. Prayer at ALL Times: Constant communication with God. Without communication, an army is in chaos. Even if you don’t know what to say, just being with Him can be an act of prayer.

Why is this on my mind today? I keep thinking of the Crusades, and various other acts of violence carried out in God’s name (bombings at abortion clinics, for a more current example). I don’t believe for one second that God has ever wanted Christians to take up literal arms in His name to make a point. Physical violence and debate will not bring people to Christ. Think about it: if someone punches you in the face, are you more likely to listen to them, or will you become bitter towards them?

Yes, yes... Jesus did go nuts in the Temple one day, throwing over tables and making a whip, etc. He was clearing out the Temple. That was different from what I'm talking about. It was designated holy ground that had been profaned.

I don’t even know where to begin with this all, except to say that physical combat and Christianity do not mix, and neither do politics and Christianity...

Slow Dance

2010-05-09T12:22:00.003-04:00

You asked me to dance with You,
And I accepted.
The world seemed to stop turning
As You embraced me with Your arms,
Drawing my gaze to Your eyes.
A sense of closeness and intimacy
Invades my deepest being.
My whole being breathes a sigh of relief.
And yet, I long to know if it is possible ––
I yearn to be even closer than this!
Your heartbeat entangles with mine,
And I can see the deepest love
Welling up from within You.
This is what it is
To dance with Love Himself.

6/21/09

Twenty Years

2010-03-15T18:45:00.001-04:00

Twenty years ago today, I gave my heart to the Lord. It seems odd to say this, but I remember it pretty clearly.

So much has happened in twenty years, the storms and gales of life testing the truth of my commitment. Yet I am still His.

I cannot imagine life without God.

We’ve had our arguments, and I’ve tried going my own way more than once, but altogether, He has never given up on me, and I don’t intend on giving up on Him.

So, a great “HUZZAH!” for twenty full years! May there be many more!

Yo!

2010-01-30T23:55:00.003-05:00

I have a point to make, so hear me out-

You are not a mistake. Yes, you. Whoever happens to read this, you aren't a mistake. Let me spell it out for you.

1. God created everything, right? Including you, right?
2. God never makes mistakes. Ever.
3. If God created everything, and He never makes mistakes, then you are not a mistake!

HA! So, if you're one of those people who likes to say you're a mistake, or you're someone who's been told you're a mistake, drop that lie like a hot potato and believe the truth: YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE!

Over and out!

Diversity...

2010-01-18T16:32:00.004-05:00

I remember clearly the night I drew this. I was aggravated by what I was seeing around me –– countless “denominations” within the Church, some of which refused to fellowship with others because of pitiful theological differences. When would we learn that Christ is the one thing, the one person we should be focusing on? When would we learn that loving Him is the one thing that brings us into alignment with what He desires, that all else follows after? When would we stop putting the cart before the horse? We were building walls between ourselves and our brothers and sisters by making the Law more important than Him.

I am not discounting God’s Word, nor am I encouraging anyone to go against it. Rather, I’d like to remind you of what Paul said to the Gentiles:

”It seemed to the Holy Spirit and to us that you should not be saddled with any crushing burden, but be responsible only for these bare necessities: Be careful not to get involved in activities connected with idols; avoid serving food offensive to Jewish Christians (blood, for instance); and guard the morality of sex and marriage. These guidelines are sufficient to keep relations congenial between us. And God be with you!” ~Acts 15:28-29 (The Message)

He said nothing of whether or not to take communion with people of other denominations/sects, of whether you should or should not drink (although, somewhere in the Bible, it says not to get drunk), of what instruments or songs you should play in worship, nor, in fact, of whether or not people should dance, paint, draw, or write as an act of worship.

My conclusion- The Church is one of the most diverse peoples on the earth. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it is the most diverse. We were never meant to be little clones of what man thinks is the perfect “Christian.” The expectations we have are simply not possible to obtain, and I doubt God would make us all different so we could conform to any one person’s idea of “good.” There are many different flavors within the Church, with many different ideas of the nuances of being a child of God. That is its beauty. No one is perfect, except in Him, and we are all at different levels of maturity, learning to depend on Him. Each of us has different weaknesses. It is not at all a reason to start up more denominations from the ground.

I was not irritated by the diversity itself when I drew the picture, but by the lack of respect between different facets of the Church (I could go further about diversity in general, but I'll control myself). How do I get past this irritation? I have to leave people in God’s hands, and leave behind any offense in me. I have to allow God to deal with His people, rather than causing more damage by attacking them with my words. He’s the One who will bust down the walls that should not be there, and rebuild the important ones that are missing. And so, I [once again] had to kick myself for thinking that I had all the answers...

That didn’t prevent me from drawing a woman wielding a flail, though... haha...

Legos Again!

2010-01-17T15:37:00.005-05:00

The enjoyment of Legos happens to be an important part of my life, even if I don't take action on it very often. It's not as important as, say, the bills, or God, but if I were to leave it out, my life would be just a bit less interesting. Thus saying, I will describe the latest feud between my very active Legomen...

A bird's eye view reveals the severity of the situation. At long last, the king and his allies have caught up to the stolen treasure! They fight hard and long to recover it!

From the start, it is a fight to the death. No prisoners will be taken this day! It is the king's men or the bandits!Horsemen and footmen alike battle for survival...

The knight in red goes straight for the mercenary driving the wagon. He comes in for the kill...The driver attempts to speed the wagon, but it is too late. The knight's sword is already in a deadly swing, even as he snaps the whip.The blue knight distracts the bandit riding in the back of the wagon, swinging his axe at the crossbow bearing thief. If he moves quickly, the dart will not reach him before his foe is dead.With a cry, the bandit realizes his true predicament...The red knight's squire is born down upon by two rogues on horseback. However, the hearty squire is not afraid. He knows exactly how to handle a charging horseman. He readies his spear.He hears the horse's hooves behind him, feels the equine's breath on his neck, but he does not fear. Instead, he readies himself to take a stand. Horseman and footman meet in battle at last, the squire ready to unhorse the scoundrel in a split-second.The king himself chases down the squire's pursuer from behind. His prey is unaware of him, until it is too late.While the rogue knight raises his axe to give the squire a blow, the king swings his own sword for a deathblow.As the battle progresses, the monstrous fish watches... Who will win this day?

Emptiness

2010-01-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

It is all emptiness without You.
The worlds we create, because we are longing for something more than what we see ––
They are nothing to the reality hidden from earthly sight.
They are a puff of smoke to what can only be seen if You open our eyes.
We can imagine a world made apart from this one,
With laws of its own,
But it is all in vain if You are not there.
We can pretend we are not who we are,
When, in truth, You see us much differently.
You shaped us to be infinite holes that need to be filled ––
The only infinite thing that exists being You.
And without You to fill us,
We become great, black holes,
Circling the universe again and again,
Devouring all that we may find,
But never fully satisfied.
Empty, hungry holes,
Seeking the One who will make us whole.
1/11/10

Second Post Today

2009-12-19T15:25:00.002-05:00

I've neglected to post several things here, and I'm trying to space them out, but I don't want to forget them:

Make me like a tree –– rooted deeply in You, immovable, fruitful, influential on my surroundings. May I provide shelter to those who need it, yet allowing light to shine through me. May I provide food to those who hunger, sweet sap to those who have none. May songbirds rest in my branches, lovers and children meet beneath my boughs. May I be a source of joy and not sorrow. May I be a restful place for the weary. (August 26th or so, 2009)

---------------------------------*-------------------------------

“My times of prayer are erratic and consist of silent communion rather than prayers of petition. I pray most naturally when I am riding or walking. When I stay in one place to pray, my thoughts wander.”
~Taken from a letter from Fenelon to Jeanne Guyon (“Intimacy with Christ,” by Jeanne Guyon)

Fenelon took the words right out of my mouth. My prayer life, of late, has not been very consistent. I don’t stick to certain times of day, and I certainly don’t have a set place for it. While I appreciate prayer rooms and such, the most potent of fellowship I’ve had with God has been during corporate worship, or while I’m outdoors, or in motion.

Feeling a breeze on my face is like being greeted by God. I don’t know why this is, but it has been a very special thing between us for a very long time. When walking home from school, I would ask Him to send some wind at me, no matter what the weather. Within moments, a gust of air would come at my face, delighting me to no end. It may sound silly, but this is one of the ways I am able to enjoy Him.

It is strange to me that anyone would restrict themselves to a consistent habit of prayer in a single room, rather than allowing themselves to walk with God. I believe we were made to literally walk with God. It may sound odd, but I hold His hand when I walk. When I used to walk down a very steep hill to work every day, in all kinds of weather, the only thing that kept me steady was His hand in mine. It got to a point where nothing could cause me to stumble or slip, except for freezing rain. For the most part, I was fine on ice, snow, and even sleet, but freezing rain was enough cause me to call the office to ask for a ride. I’ll give you some history: I hate ice. I can’t stand the thought of losing my balance and falling on water hardened by the cold. It hurts, and the bruises are awful. However, holding His hand prevented this, even in the coldest of weather (and it got very cold!). Do I have any explanation for the freezing rain? Not really. I think anyone would fall from trying to walk on that stuff.

I’m not trying to dishonour prayer rooms and all that. Really. They have their purpose. All the same, it is much harder to be distracted by, say, your computer, or the phone, or a book, or the TV, or whatever errands you need to do, when you are walking about.

Nowadays, I have a car, and I often pray in my car. I’m currently working on my reactions to other drivers, but generally, I pray in my car.

(Written sometime this summer... July 25th, perhaps)

The Resurrection

2009-12-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

I have always had a hard time picturing the Resurrection. This makes things a bit tricky for me, since this is one of the foundational things my faith is built on, and I am someone who learns by visualization, or word pictures.

I asked the Lord to show me His Resurrection, because I don’t want to just “know about it.” I want it deeply ingrained in my lifestyle. What follows is what I caught.

He was laid in the grave, the stone blocking the entrance. It was dark in there. His soul went to Hades and took back the keys to death and Hades (Rev. 1:18). After the third day, life returned to His body. All of his wounds were now only scars. His body as not decomposed –– it was whole.

The stone was rolled from the grave, something that caused the men guarding it to faint. He folded the grave clothes neatly in a pile, and walked out of the tomb.

I can picture Him walking about the garden there, shining with glory, the trees and flowers turning to face Him. He watches the sun come up, and prays quietly –– perhaps sings a song. Suddenly, He hears a familiar voice –– that of Mary, wondering where His body is.

11/7/09

Broken Pieces

2009-12-13T23:08:00.001-05:00

I was broken, incomplete,
Missing something, vulnerable.
I enjoyed talking to You, singing to and about You,
But I knew nothing about You.
Then, one night, You provoked me to curiosity,
And I wanted to know ––
“Who is this great God?
I know He hears me when I call out to Him.
I know He created me,
And loves me more than I could ever know.
Who is this Saviour, this Healer of wounds and illnesses?”
I asked my mother –– “Who is He?”
With tears in her eyes, she said,
“He is the One you can take your broken pieces to,
And He will make you whole.”
So I gave You my broken heart, and my life.
You made me whole, complete, filled with You.
You healed my brokenness, and I began to know You.
You became my shield, my refuge.
I learned to trust and lean on You more and more.
And now I know it for sure,
That You love me and take delight in me,
And I wish to return the same undying love.

12/12/09

I John

2009-11-14T16:51:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading I John today (a very short book in the New Testament, but don't be deceived- it's very meaty), and here's 2 chunks that caught my eye:

I John 3:18+19-
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him."
I don't want to love just with words. I want to love with my heart.

I John 4:8-
"He that loves not knows not God; for God is love."
It's all there in the verse. No explanation needed.

Tune In

2009-11-14T16:40:00.002-05:00

I don't have any of their CDs, but I have a couple of songs on my computer by Bluetree, a recent addition to the myriad of Christian artists out there. I particularly like "Life's Noise," especially with its array of funky noises in the beginning that would ordinarily be bland, but are set in a catchy rhythm. Anyhow, here's what else caught me about the song... the lyrics:

"He wasn't in the fire,
He wasn't in the quake,
He wasn't in the wind,
He's in the whisper here.

God's noise is breaking through the airwaves."
[emphasis added]

I can just picture the singer pointing to his heart when he sings, "here." Well... to be honest, I don't have the first clue of what the singer looks like, but that's a gesture that would make sense. I don't think God uses wild and crazy acts of nature as his only mode of communication. He speaks to us directly. We just have to tune in.

Quotes

2009-11-10T22:08:00.002-05:00

I'm in the middle of reading a book by Rick Joyner (Morningstar Ministries dude), "Church History." The other day, several bits of it caught my attention, but these three quotes in particular (one of them being said by another guy, though I couldn't tell you what page it's on):

“Churches in the first century were so unique that each one in the Book of Revelation needed a different word from the Lord, even though they all existed in the same general region at the same time. Our God is the blessed Creator who made every snowflake different. Possibly the most single tragic way that we have misrepresented God is by our boring uniformity. Every congregation, every person, and every meeting should be gloriously unique and interesting if we are to reflect our blessed Creator.” pg. 82

“If there are not things happening with us that absolutely cannot be credited to men, then we are in need of a most basic change.” pg. 76 (refering to folks within the Church)

“Caesar sought to change men by changing institutions. Jesus changed institutions by changing men.” ~Will Durant

I have to say, I don't think I need to add anything to them... do I?

Things I love about God

2009-10-31T15:01:00.002-04:00

Sounds a bit corny, but I'm in a writing mood, and this subject will not escape me!

1. His creativity- He likes to play with the clouds and the colors in the sky. He's put countless galaxies out there, every one of them different from the rest, and all fascinating. No two places on this earth are exactly the same. Every human being is unique, and He loves it!

2. His compassion- He has compassion for all, not pity. Pity is feeling sorry for someone, and not doing anything about it. Compassion, though, will be propelled to take action. God doesn't sit on the sidelines and watch our pain. He jumps in to save us when we turn our faces to Him. And He loves us unconditionally.

3. He didn't make us slaves to His will. Instead, He allows us to make our own decisions. Yeah, He'd like us to follow Him, but He won't force us. Think of it from His perspective- would you want others to be forced to love you? It wouldn't be sincere.

4. He knows everything about me, and He's always there. While this may not always seem like a cool thing, it has its merits. Think of it this way: He knows the good, the bad, and the ugly about you, and yet, He loves you completely.

5. He's all about what's in your heart, not how you dress.

6. He encourages us to walk in the gifts He gave us- if you're a dancer, dance! If you're a writer, write! If you're a cook, cook! If you're a photographer, take pictures! Whatever your passion is, whatever you know you were made to be, do it! But remember where the gift came from as you do it, or it will be empty.

7. He invented food, and I'm sure He did it for our enjoyment. I can imagine Him watching me cook, and saying, "Just watch and see how this is going to come out!" hahaha...

8. He made us so that we need love to survive. Think I'm kidding? Try going for a very long time without hearing encouraging words, getting hugged, or seeing the rest of humanity. You might think it's great being isolated at first, but you'll begin to notice that something important is lacking...

That is a very short list, and it may be growing soon, but for now... I'll leave you with that!

She Stands

2009-10-15T23:01:00.002-04:00

She stands, surveying the battle,
Her expression unreadable.
A cloak hangs heavily from her shoulders,
Denoting her rank within the army.
She is prepared to pay the ultimate price,
Should the need arise.
She holds her head high,
Despite the weight of her helm,
Which is well kept.
A medallion hangs from her neck
Over the hardened leather armor,
A mark of honor from her King
For services past.
Her sword is well sharpened ––
Gripped comfortably in her hand,
Like an extension of her arm.
She is ready.
She is waiting.
She is awake.
She watches further, her breath quickening.
Champion of her kin,
She has no fear in battle.
She will soon be called upon to fight.

Re-connection

2009-10-13T22:39:00.002-04:00

I am trying, throughout my day, to find empty moments I can fill by reconnecting with God. If I'm in the car as a passenger, I might sink lower into the seat and wrap my coat a little more snugly around me, closing my eyes (if I don't need to give directions). If I'm driving, I'll pay attention to the road, but most other stuff gets zoned out. I might start singing, if I'm in the act of cleaning (unless I'm vaccuuming, in which case, I use the footwork of a swordsman when I can). If I'm drinking coffee or eating, I appreciate the flavor more than ever. You never know. At any rate, if I don't do this throughout the day, I get caught up in the mayhem that is life, and it definitely starts to show. As time goes by, I see more and more the importance of checking in.

Valley of the Dry Bones

2009-10-11T15:37:00.002-04:00

I honestly don't remember if I've ever posted this before. I probably have, but anyway...

This is one of my favorite passages from the Bible. It's... well... it's good stuff!

“With the hand of Adonai upon me, Adonai carried me out by his Spirit and set me down in the middle of the valley, and it was full of bones. He had me pass by all around them –– there were so many bones lying in the valley, and they were so dry! He asked me, “Human being, can these bones live?” I answered, “Adonai Elohim! Only you know that!” Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones! Say to them, ‘Dry bones! Hear what Adonai has to say! To these bones Adonai Elohim says, “I will make breath enter you, and you will live. I will attach ligaments to you, make flesh grow on you, cover you with skin and put breath in you. You will live, and you will know that I am Adonai.”’”
So I prophesied as ordered; and while I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound; it was the bones coming together, each bone in its proper place. As I watched, ligaments grew on them, flesh appeared and skin covered them; but there was no breath in them. Next he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath! Prophesy, human being! Say to the breath that Adonai Elohim says, ‘Come from the four winds, breath; and breathe on these slain, so that they can live.’”’
So I prophesied as ordered, and the breath came into them, and they were alive! They stood up on their feet, a huge army! Then he said to me, “Human being! These bones are the whole house of Isra’el; and they are saying, ‘Our bones have dried up, our hope is gone, and we are completely cut off.’ Therefore prophesy; say to them that Adonai Elohim says, ‘My people! I will open your graves and make you get up out of your graves, my people! I will put my Spirit in you; and you will be alive. Then I will place you in your own land; and you will know that I, Adonai, have spoken, and that I have done it.’ says Adonai.”

~Ezekiel 37:1-14
(Complete Jewish Bible)

In My Dreams

2009-09-27T23:06:00.000-04:00

In my dreams,
The knight still wears his shining armor,
Riding upon his trusty steed.
In my dreams,
The enemy still appears unbearably strong,
Yet God is much stronger still.
In my dreams,
The world is ever full of anachronism,
Swords and skyscrapers in the same age.
In my dreams,
Nothing is as it should be,
Yet all makes perfect sense to me.
In my dreams,
I can fly by pulling my legs up under me,
Escaping those who would harm me.
In my dreams,
The only salvation is in Jesus,
As it is in waking.
In my dreams,
I face brazen foes, who would declare themselves gods,
Pointing heavenwards to the only True God.
In my dreams,
I know that prayer is essential to my survival,
And even friends can turn into foes.
In my dreams,
It may seem that death is near,
But there is always a way to avoid it.
In my dreams,
There is always battle,
Even when things seem peaceful.
In my dreams,
He is always there,
Watching, guiding, protecting.
If I see you,
In my dreams,
I will pray for you.

9/27/09

How scandalous! More Legos!

2009-09-07T19:00:00.004-04:00

Further commentary on the Lego battle...

As you can see, the baddies are clearly outnumbered.What scoundrels, stealing the king's treasure! Barbarians! They won't get away with it!
Ahem! The king and his trusty knight (who are cleary not French... Who ever heard of a Frenchman carrying a shield with a lion on it?) charge into battle against the malicious Viking cavalry (Viking? I guess it's the horns...)!

Hear the horses neigh as the fronts come together, and the... funny white thing, Complete Works of William Shakespeare, and oversized CD's look on? What?
The Vikings are barbaric, their faces grim. One of them lost an eye in a previous battle and now wears an eyepatch. The other carries a shield of steel.
But look! A strange knight appears! Why his shield doesn't quite match his horse's tack is beyond me, but he aims his lance with precision at the closest evil barbarian, fearless!
His squire is no less courageous, running to battle, carrying his master's sword in his free hand.

Okay. I feel better now!

I made my mom laugh...

2009-09-06T20:14:00.003-04:00

Perhaps I need a hobby, but I was looking for something in a drawer, and came across the Legos I ended up keeping (not very many, all medieval in nature), and I got caught up in playing with them. Haha... Anyhow, here's the results:As you can see, it's a double jousting match, complicated by an extra knight and a foot soldier. It may not look like it, but there's actually only two fronts to this battle.
See, on one side are the guys on white horses with blue flags (well... it looks green), and then there's the guys on black horses with the red flags. You can guess who the good guys are, right? And then there's the dude on the white horse with the red heraldry coming to the rescue of the other guys on white steeds, squire at his side aiming a crossbow at the baddies.

So... yeah... perhaps I need to get out more... haha...

Hey! Who says a 22 yr. old can't play with Legos?!

pretty and precious things

2009-09-06T20:02:00.002-04:00

A lovely roseBold zinnia (which you can barely see, because the windowscreen gets in the way)
Rings on my fingers-
1. index finger: Hebrew ring with "My Husband is my Maker" on it. I have been wearing this since June of 2006, and it has heavy meaning to me.
2. middle finger: two rings of silver wire tied together (when taken off, you can move them independently of each other, but they never come apart –– very symbolic), as well as a ring with mother of pearl and some other stone (given my by me mum).
3. ring finger: claddaugh containing a small emerald. Yes, I wear it as taken. There is a reason for this, even though I am not dating, engaged, or married.
writing is a delightful thing!
The dance! I look forward to the day when I can take tango and flamenco lessons with my husband... when I get married. lol. I don't know if you can see it in the picture, but this is two people dancing together.

Fishies!!!!

2009-09-06T19:54:00.003-04:00

Behold! Saber!She looks so calm in the photo above, but if you'd been there, you'd know that she was really flipping out.
For some reason, betas have a tendency to play with the gravel and rocks at the bottom of the bowl. Because of this, it's not a good idea to put anything too heavy in there...

And here is Gracie!!!
You can't really see her color, but she is a lovely blue in one kind of light, and a kind of muddy bluey-purpley-silvery-reddish color in another light. When she's stressed (as she is often), she has stripes of blue, black, and silver. Always, there is a tinge of red around the edges.
Coming up for a breath of air, perhaps?

Humanity gets in the way

2009-09-05T12:11:00.003-04:00

I have always been one of those folks who never likes to cause a ruckus. Really. I hate debates. I hate arguments... etc. Conflict is not my favorite thing. However, there comes a point where I have to open my mouth.

Take a look at this article ( http://www.morningstarministries.org/Articles/1000056141/MorningStar_Ministries/Media/Special_Bulletins/2009/SPECIAL_BULLETIN_24.aspx ), but before you do, I have something to say.

I have studied Marxism- it was required at the college I went to. I read the Manifesto, and I have to say, it's a load of garbage. The problem with such ideas, is that they work brilliantly in theory, but when put into action, they don't work. In fact, they tend to make things much worse. When I read it, I pictured in my mind the French Revolution ("Let them have cake!"). Now, I also think of Dr. Zhivago (the classic movie), in which everyone ended up oppressed, with the illusion that they were fighting for freedom. Here's a few details that set me off:
1. changing the structure of families, or doing away with them entirely- This sounds so much like Hitler's youth program, where children were taught utmost loyalty to the Fhürer, to the peril of friends, family, and foes alike. This is very dangerous, because if the leader goes insane (and it's debatable whether he/she was in the first place), there's a problem.
2. doing away with religion, all together- While I understand that it looks like religion causes conflict, it would be taking away our humanity to ban it.
3. the idea that all should have equal possessions- As I may have mentioned before, humanity gets in the way of this.
4. conformity- Every human being is different. We all have different tastes, preferences, talents, etc. Some of us like winter, and some like summer. Some folks enjoy sports, while others might enjoy reading a good book. It's just how we are. Taking uniqueness away constricts our full potential.

Doesn't anyone read Kafka and George Orwell anymore? There's lessons to be had from reading "Animal Farm," and "The Trial." I don't care if you were forced to read it in high school –– there was a very good reason for it.

Anyhow... that's my view of things. Take it or leave it.

History

2009-09-02T22:14:00.002-04:00

"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

I honestly don't remember who said this, but it has been ringing through my head all week long. I doubt that I'm the only one looking back at history, glancing at the present, and trying to figure out what's happening next. I have to say, I don't usually open my mouth when confronted with a situation where I disagree with the majority (or what looks like the majority), but I'm starting to think I should do so right now, and not just on one subject.

1. Back when Constantine was emperor –– and you can look this up –– he decided to take on anti-Semitic views. This somehow extended to the Church, and a whole tangle of mess began between Christian and Jew. Really, Christianity has its roots in Judaism. Jesus was a Jew. I can almost hear you gasp, "Jesus was a Jew?!" Yes, my friends, he was a Jew, and his name was actually Yeshua. "Jesus" is just a translation. Anyhow, when these roots were severed, things got messy. We forgot the culture we came from. We forgot the Sabbath. We forgot the feasts. We forgot that the Old Testament extends beyond Genesis (how many people do you know who have actually read the Old Testament from front to back?). Without knowing the Law, how are we to understand God's grace? Without understanding His grace, how are we to understand salvation? We need to stop throwing words around and actually take them to heart. Anyhow, back to the subject. The root problem here is the fact that the root was cut off from the tree. I'm not saying that Christians should convert to Judaism. I am, however, saying that we need to look at where we came from, and remember it! God's covenant with the Israelites is perpetual- it says so right there in the Bible. Look it up. If anything, we should at least give them our respect, and not forget God's promises to them. Christianity was never meant to replace Judaism. It was meant to continue it. You can argue with me, but much of the early church carried on the Jewish traditions, because they understood their purpose in God's plan.

2. Politics have never been my strongpoint, nor my favorite topic. Go to my friend Keith for that. lol. I preface this paragraph with the disclaimer that I respect your opinion, but I don't have to agree if I don't want to. You are warned. ;-)
I've been watching what's going on in the US, and I've become much more aware than I used to be. I used to hear things and say, "That's nice. Carry on." Not anymore. I find it ridiculous that the President's vacation is the highlight of a news evening. Really, I am glad he takes time off, but I don't consider it prime time worthy news. Save it for the picture of the week in the USA Today. The same goes for his dog. I just want to know one thing: if you voted for Obama, and you loved him during the elections, how do you feel about him now? I don't mean to start any fights, but I honestly want to know. Consider it a poll.

3. I don't think we should ever forget the things that happened in Germany just before the Nazis took over, and the results of said take over. The same with Russia and Stalin. Go and do some research. It won't be pretty, but it should never be forgotten. 'Nuff said.

My main goal with this post is to get people thinking, not to start a debate.

the little things

2009-08-26T19:04:00.003-04:00

Another thankfulness post, on a whim, this time.

1. cold milkshakes on a hot evening.
2. free music, obtained legally (from IHOP, and by Mark Mathis)
3. the promise of a new phone
4. journals only partially filled, awaiting the ink from my pen...
5. art nights on Thursdays
6. the rare and enjoyable experience of a long lunch break
7. rice and beans!
8. the hope of clean water from the faucet, maybe even in the near future...
9. pet fish that jump up and get their food before it hits the water
10. amusing text messages
11. the invention of the iPod Shuffle
12. the sound of a friendly dog barking at my arrival (not at my house... at friends' houses)
13. the sound of a friendly dog being called back from the squirrel hunt
14. the neighbor's cat peering at me from under a bench to say hello
15. the highly amusing sight of plant life wrapped around an old, broken down Jaguar...
16. the fact that the broken down Jaguar is not mine (though it's a great decoration), and that my car runs very, very well!
17. a wide variety of pens- cheap and expensive!
18. the oddness of the early morning thought process (the mind doesn't work quite right at that time of day...)
19. brakes that work...
20. a good variety of music to immerse myself in, to wash the day away!

Ponderings of the day...

2009-08-23T19:34:00.001-04:00

How often do we look at the sky? Really.
The clouds always changing –– one moment a heavy covering. The next, opening up and scattering into adventurous shapes.
Do we really listen to the gentle waves lapping against the shores of the lakes and ponds, pounding against the rocks and boulders? You can feel it in the sand, if you sit still enough.
We take for granted the wind on our faces, the light of the sun, the beauty of the world around us.
The beauty of creation draws me to worship the Creator –– This is as it should be.

Every tongue, tribe, and nation will be represented in heaven, and all of them will be worshipping God. Can you imagine that? It blows a fuse in my mind.

Lonely

2009-08-22T18:01:00.001-04:00

Where is the shoulder to lean and cry on?
Who holds the deepest of my secrets,
And knows the innermost thoughts of my heart?
Who can read between the lines of my every language?
Who loves me more than I love myself?

When I feel Your touch,
The most hidden of my struggles rise to the surface.
A spring of tears is unleashed, and I am astonished.
I know You love me ––
I realize it more and more every day,
But I still cannot seem to grasp such an amazing thing as truth.

Set me free from this snare,
This tangle of unwanted emotions.
Bring me to the place of peace,
At the center of Your heart.
Strip this rose of thorns,
And teach me how to love as You love.
Soften my heart, and reshape it as You please.
I am tired of this hardness and selfishness.

They say a woman is under her husband’s covering,
And I will trust You to be my Covering ––
For my Husband is my Maker,
And there is no one like You.

8/22/09

Love Is The Movement

2009-08-13T23:11:00.001-04:00

I love this song (forgive the repeats), and it was stuck in my head on the way back from painting. Since I already have it typed up, I figured I'd put it up here. I want to do a dance to this someday, but not yet. We'll see... Anyhow:

Love is the Movement (by: Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown)

A day in LA
And millions of faces
Are looking for movement
‘Cause everything’s stuck
And everything’s frozen
And everyone’s broken
And nobody moves
And everyone’s scared
That the motion will never come

This is the incompletion
Stuck in a line

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don’t have to slow back down

The stars are alive
They dance to the music
Of the deepest emotion
And all of the world
Is singing in time
As the heavens are caving in
Mysterious ways
Why God gave His life
To put motion inside my soul

It’s bigger than cold religion
It’s bigger than life

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don’t have to slow back down

We’re starting now... (We’re starting now)
We don’t have to slow back down, yeah... yeah...

This is a revolution.
THIS IS A REVOLUTION!

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don’t have to slow back down

Love is the movement Get up, get up
Love is a revolution Love is moving you now... (12x throughout the chorus)
This is redemption
We don’t have to slow back down
Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
We have redemption
We don’t have to slow back down
Love is the movement

Get up, get up...

Respect Your Elders

2009-08-02T21:28:00.004-04:00

I was perusing Grimms' Tales for Young and Old (the book, mind you), and was being greatly amused at the stories inside. Most of them are chock full of hyperbole, superstition, myth, and pointless gore. All the same, there are a few that make a point. I think this one speaks for itself:

The Old Man and His Grandson (pg. 274, Grimms' Tales for Young and Old; The Complete Stories, Translated by Ralph Manheim, 1983)-

"There was once a very old man who was almost blind and deaf and whose knees trembled. When he sat at the table, he could hardly hold his spoon; he spilled soup on the tablecloth, and when he'd taken a spoonful some of it ran out of his mouth. His son and his son's wife thought it was disgusting and finally made the old man sit in a corner behind the stove. They brought him his food in an earthenware bowl and, worst of all, they didn't even give him enough. He looked sadly in the direction of the table, and his eyes filled with tears. One day his hands trembled so much that he dropped his bowl and it fell to the floor and broke. The young woman scolded him, but he said nothing and only sighed. She bought him a wooden bowl for a few kreuzers, and from then on he had to eat out of it. As they were sitting there one day, the little four-year-old grandson was on the floor playing with some pieces of wood. "What are you doing?" his father asked. The child replied: "I'm making a trough for father and mother to eat out of when I'm big." Husband and wife looked at each other for a while and burst into tears. After that they brought the old grandfather back to the table. He ate with them from then on, and even when he spilled a little something they said nothing."

The Unoppressed Dance

2009-07-30T22:37:00.002-04:00

Ever since I started dancing, I've dabbled in steps I considered similar to Irish step-dancing. However, I've never been taught, and I sort of make up my own stuff. Oddly enough, my dance style changes with the location. I'm not sure I can explain that very well, but I can tell you for sure that I got further and further into the Celtic style when I moved to Gloucester, and farther from the twirling of former days (I still do some of that, but not so much). Part of it was trying to work with a smaller space than usual, on a nice wood floor (that does factor in, believe it or not), but another part was that I simply wanted to break into a different type of dance.

I watched a teaching on dance and movement on DVD a few weeks ago, where the lady said salsa dance was made up of moves that allowed for shackled people to dance, but the original dance of the people responsible, before they were enslaved, involved a lot more freedom of movement, with a lot of footwork. It got me thinking... I'd heard somewhere (a Celtic conference, perhaps?) that the Irish started dancing with their arms rigid out of rebellion towards the British, because the British wouldn't allow them to dance. See, you can't see someone's feet through a window, but you can see their torso pretty well, if they don't have drapes, and the Irish are rather free-spirited... Well... I wondered. What was that dance like before the oppression? Read below, and you'll see, but before that, I'll tell you: I was joyfully astonished to read it, because it was so similar to the dance I do now... Remember- the only lessons I have ever had were ballet lessons at the age of three! Anything I have learned, I can only give God the credit for. There's more information in the article linked at the bottom. Yep, I used Wikipedia... I should probably find a real source someday, like a book, or something.

"Sean-nós dance is characterized by its "low to the ground" footwork, free movement of the arms, and an emphasis upon a "battering step" (which sounds out more loudly the accented beat of the music). By its nature, it follows the music closely. In the absence of any musical accompaniment, the rhythmic nature of sean-nós dance results in a percussive music of its own. It frequently is danced by only one person, and even when danced in pairs or small groups, there is no physical contact between the dancers. Because it is a freeform, solo type of dance, it is not necessary for a pre-arranged routine to be decided upon by the dancer, and spontaneous expression is considered normal. Therefore, it is less common to see groups performing synchronized sean-nós dance (which requires choreography in advance). Instead, the dancers may dance in turns, playing off the energy of the other."

(Sean-nós dance, Wikipedia)

Perhaps this is a rant, BUT- Marriage

2009-07-19T15:45:00.003-04:00

“Mawage. Mawage is the miwacle that bwings us two-gethah two-day.” ~Impressive Clergyman, “The Princess Bride"Please do not take this as an offense. It’s a mere observation. If you don’t like it, feel free to stop reading after the first few words. I won’t notice.

Despite appearances, marriage is still a sacred institution bringing together a man and a woman as one. It has been so since the very beginning, and it will ever be so.

So what is all this nonsense that it’s “just symbolism”? Frankly, I’m a little tired of the view that marriage “just isn’t worth the effort.” It is as Spiderman says: “With great freedom comes great responsibility.” When you get married, you are committing yourself to spending the rest of your life with that person. Now, I will admit that there are times when it does not work out, but this does not give merit to the idea that finding a spouse is like finding a good car. There is no “test drive.” I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t work that way. Living with someone and being married to someone are two different things. Without that ring on your finger, there is no way you can say the other person should stay faithful to you (not that they won’t, but there’s no legal grounds on the matter). Without that contract of marriage, there are no financial benefits. There is not the same level of commitment, on any matter, as there is in a marraige.

If we treated it as a sacred thing, and not to be trifled with, it may be the harder path, but it would be better in the long run. I have watched people over time, and I have to say that the married folks who stick it out through the rough patches tend to be happier than the bf’s and gf’s who live together. Am I hallucinating, or is this true? Tell me, really. Are you happy? Or does everything around you seem to go wrong?

And I must say this, or I will feel like going crazy: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE SEX! There is so much more to it, that words will not fully express it. It’s the nittiest, grittiest relationship possible.

On top of that, it’s supposed to be a reflection of a facet of our relationship with God. It may not be a perfect reflection, but it’s a reflection, nonetheless!

Vain Imaginings...

2009-07-03T23:51:00.001-04:00

another repost:

So...

There was a day when I was queen of a land that never existed. I led no cause. I knew not love. I had enormous power, but I used it entirely for myself. There was no satisfaction. I killed without heart, sacrificed countless lives, and used myself recklessly. While I risked life and limb for others, my intentions were selfish.
While there was loyalty from many, there was betrayal from more. I had forgotten true love, true authority, true responsibility, and true discipline.
And now I realize that my heart and soul were trapped in a pit, walking and running in endless circles, with no way out that I could see. I searched through a past that did not exist, seeking to know who I was, but...
It was not until I looked high above that I saw Your hand reaching down in love. I cried out to You for rescue, grasping Your held out hand, and You pulled me out of the slimy pit.

Saviour

2009-07-03T23:50:00.001-04:00

I am reposting this, because I refound it:

I wandered through the wreckage, searching. Hoping to find a living thing. Everywhere I looked, there was death. But one thing caught my attention, and I dropped to my knees to dig. I dug, and I dug, and I found a hand. I dug some more, and then an arm was there. I dug as fast as I could, and it was still not fast enough. I dug and dug, and dug some more, now finding a head, a face, your eyes pleading for my help. I work harder and harder, digging desperately now. Faster and faster, but it seems slower and slower, because I am impatient for the end result. If I can do nothing else, I will save you from this fate, of dying in a world of stone and ash and debris. I cannot pull you out yet: I still need to uncover more of you from this dust, unnatural dust that is inhuman, or perhaps too human. I cannot stand the thought of you joining in the dust of this death-infested place, and I dig more and more, hoping to get you out before your life ends. Desperate. If you die, I will never forgive myself, unless you die in peace. You will haunt my dreams, and my nightmares. I must save you. Hold on. Do not die! I am working hard under the hot sun, toiling for hours to get you free, not stopping for even the smallest sip of water. Life is more important than thirst. Now I am finally to your torso, painstakingly digging around you. I will get you out, even if it kills me. I work down to your thighs, and cry out in frustration. How long must this take!? When I reach just below your knees, bruised and battered by the stones and dirtied by the rubbish, the priceless dust of the unliving, I pull. But you are held fast by fallen rock and dust. Angry now, I dig even deeper, freeing the rest of your exhausted and wounded body. And I carry you from the pit, tired, sweaty, bloody, and caked with the dust, the inhuman dust. I can barely walk now, filled with grief and the pain of many thousands. Is this what it is to be a saviour? Is this how it feels to be a hero? There is no glory in it. There is little joy. It is painful. To rescue others is to witness what others' hearts cannot bear, or to force oneself to bear more than the human heart can. What does it take to be a hero? A soft heart, with willing hands. It is to be broken, tattered, and agonized beyond reckoning.

Pray for our heros, wherever they may be. Their hearts may be broken, and their dreams haunted by memory. They are the broken who help the broken. May the Lord of Peace heal them and give them shalom.

in thinking of the future

2009-06-28T00:26:00.003-04:00

Like most women out there, unless things have changed, I think about the future. I speak specifically about weddings, right now. I find it amusing speculating what the decoration will be, where it will be held, etc. No, I don't have a face for the groom... That will happen when it happens. haha. So... the ideas-

1. Everything will be medieval in some way... no pointy princess hats, though. I always thought those looked silly, almost like dunce caps. Ugh! No. The dress will, for the most part, look pretty traditional, except...
2. I think I might like to wear a camouflage sash with my dress. What kind of camouflage, you might ask. I don't know yet. Depends. Maybe I'll make up a pattern? You can blame this one on my mom. ;-)
3. Not dress shoes... army boots. If I can find nice black ones, I'll wear those. There is a specific reason for this, which I will explain at the wedding, but not before.
4. I'd love to have it in an old stone church or a castle. However, the next detail may rule the church out...
5. I'd enjoy it if I could wear a sword in a sheath at my back. This goes slightly with the army boots thing. I doubt that weapons would be allowed in any church. You know... no battles on holy ground and all that. So, it might have to be in a castle, or outdoors. Hmmm...
6. The feast would be medieval style. If you would like to use utensils, great. However, you probably won't see any at my setting. I'll eat with my hands! Unless we have rice, or something. I realize this could lead to a food fight, but I'm willing to risk it. I'll even help clean up afterwards. ;-)
7. The honeymoon will be in Europe, not on a random tropical island. And no, I don't want to go to Rome, unless I get to visit a museum with ancient weapons in it. I want to see the ancient part of Paris (which is the underground part), the castles of the British Isles and Ireland, that really cool island fortress off the coast of France, a few castles in Germany (have to pick them out, still), and I'd kind of like to see a bit of Russia. Yes, that's an ambitious itinerary. It could take a year to get all that in... Unless, of course, we think of something else instead of all that.

I realize, after writing all that, I'm not really leaving much room for his input on all this. I guess I just haven't thought much about that. Honestly, I don't know. We might not be able to afford more than a road trip up to Canada, or something in this part of the world. I might have to settle for a simple potluck dinner as a reception to my wedding... our wedding. I might not find an affordable sword with a baldric that fits it (and me). There may not be an old church to go to, and there may not be a good castle to have the wedding at. But don't worry... I already have the army boots, though they might need a touch of repair...

A quiet day, or was it?

2009-06-21T23:34:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning (yes, I got up before noon) thinking about Joan of Arc. I've been thinking of her a lot, actually, but it's always hit me, the thought that she was betrayed by her own king. It's an interesting story, if you look into it. I still can't get over what she must have felt. She fought to get this guy on the throne, and yet, because she was a woman, he betrayed her. I'm sure it was more complicated than that, but it's always bothered me. Maybe it should bother me. No king should betray a loyal subject, no matter the circumstances.

As well as this, I began reading Ted Dekker's "Boneman's Daughters." It did not start out at all the way I expected. I'm a little over 100 pages in, and already, I've concluded that this is a very painful book to read. I'm pretty sure it's not a book to avoid, but if you are thinking of picking it up, be prepared to hit some emotional turbulence. It caused me to sit back and pray for our armed servicemen in the Middle East. I wanted to weep. I even wrote a poem, which is not something I do often lately, unless I'm hit pretty hard with something (good or bad).

The rest of the day kind of squelched the earlier thoughts. I watched a bit of Doctor Who, one of my favorite British sci-fi TV series ever, and again, my thoughts turn towards those caught up in fighting in war. I can understand the drive to protect the things, the values, and the people you love. I can understand the need to survive, no matter what it takes. That makes it no less painful to think of what people must go through to pay the price for freedom.

I really don't care whether you agree with the wars going on or not. Honestly, I don't. What I do care about, is the way we treat our people when they come home. They have been through hell and back again. Let's not repeat what happened during and after Vietnam. Open your arms and welcome our men and women home lovingly. You don't know what they've been through. Please don't dishonor them.

thankfulness 3

2009-06-02T20:22:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I decided to borrow an idea from my friend Jerri, and started typing up lists of things I'm thankful for. I think I will keep that up, because it puts things in focus a little better.

1. inventive cooking: while it may terrify others to think of it, I am a great fan of finding whatever I can in the cupboards and the fridge, and throwing it all in a saucepan to make dinner. Okay, so it's not quite like that, but it comes pretty close. It's both scary and wonderful, because you never know if you'll love it or hate it. If you don't like it, you may be able to doctor it to make it worth the effort (kind of like mixing paint colors).

2. color: I find color to be great fun. I love mixing colors on a palette while painting, and I like putting colors together. Sometimes things that seem like they'll never work together actually end up looking awesome by the end of the project. It can be astonishing. Ask my mom about some of my quilting if you doubt me.

3. a well-organized home: I have to confess, I have never really been known for being organized. It's just not one of my best-developed habits. However, this is something I have been working on, and I am happy to say, everything now has a place in my home, and I am doing what I can to keep things in their places. It's a bit of a challenge to me, but I'm getting the hang of it, and I would not be ashamed if someone came over within the next ten minutes... if I have a chance to do a very quick pick-up.

4. cell-phones: While they can be the most annoying thing on the planet, I am glad to have one.

5. dogs that greet me happily at the door: Okay, so I don't have one of my own, but I know two or three that are always happy to see me. It's a delight!

6. sneezing: Ahem! I am an odd one, for sure, but I know my brains won't fall out if I sneeze, and it's actually quite refreshing to have your sinuses cleared out so quickly...

7. beta fish: I have said quite a lot about these critters on facebook... In short, they are awesome!

8. water: I never realize how much of it I drink, until I run out of it at my house. No, I don't trust tap water, unless it's clean and from a well!

9. lampshades: they really mellow down the light from the lamp, which would otherwise be annoyingly bright.

10. homemade milkshakes and sundaes: as much ice cream, chocolate syrup, or whatever, as you want!!!

collection of thoughts

2009-05-31T00:16:00.002-04:00

You will have to forgive the scattered fragments of thought in this post. I have built up several thoughts in the past few days...

1. I was remembering any visits I’ve had to the opera house. I clearly remember seeing “The Marriage of Figaro” and “Cinderella” at Berkshire Community College, though I can’t remember the name of the group that did it. I just remember that my dentist was one of the singers. I also went to see Don Giovanni at the Metropolitan Opera House in NYC a few years ago with the Fresh Sem class at the Rock. That was quite the experience! I always find it quite astonishing to travel into a big city, not just because of its size, but because of the range of diversity in everything, especially in architecture. Well, that was a ramble...

2. God is amazing and awesome. I’m sorry if that’s not reality for you, but I can tell He is, just as easily as I can tell what color the walls of my bedroom are (incidentally, they’re a buttery tan color, with white trim). I am always amazed when He shows up during worship, and I can tell everyone in the room is having a meaningful encounter with Him. Here’s the part that blows my mind: there’s one of Him. The room is full of people. He’s having at least ten conversations at the same time, yet He doesn’t have to confine Himself to saying one thing to one person at a time. He’s big enough and amazing enough... gaaaaaaah... I can’t even word it. To put it bluntly, He’s amazing, and there’s no one out there like Him...

3. Donna made me hungry! She kept talking about food, and we all teased her, saying she was probably hungry. First it was the metaphor that so-and-so wouldn’t be mowing the lawn if he knew his wife had planned reservations at Passports (a nice restaurant) for five minutes from then. Then she was saying something about “BAM! BAM! BAM! Like when I’m tenderizing chicken to make chicken parm. I love doing that! BAM! BAM! BAM!” I asked if she was planning a dinner for us at some point. lol. Then she was saying something about pickles, and I thought, “I have a jar of pickles at home. I should open it.” I couldn’t get pickles off my mind, so I opened the jar when I got home (exceedingly difficult to do, cause they make that seal really tight). After the pickle, I made myself a chocolate milkshake, and it was good (reference to the creation story?).

4. I’m starting to think God’s playing games with me on small objects. Seriously. I keep on losing my Swiss army knife, then finding it in very odd places, like my bag that I take to church. Then I lost my flash drive the other day, and I found it when I was cleaning up my room this afternoon. I had almost given it up for lost. What is with that?

5. I really want to befriend a lion. You know, like when you befriend a cat? I don’t mean I want it domesticated and in my home, but I’d love to... you know... hang out with it? And no, I don’t want to end up like that guy who hung out with the bears and got eaten. That’s like sleeping with your hand on the trigger of a gun with the safety off...

6. Every time I hear “House of God” or “Bethel” (which is the same thing), I get very excited. To explain: my middle name is “Beth.” Not Bethany (“house of poverty”), not Elizabeth, just “Beth.” If my logic serves correctly, that means “house.” Jennifer supposedly means “White Wave.” So... does that mean my name means “House of the White Wave” or “White Wave House”? I’ve always wondered about that. I know it sounds odd, but I love to find out name meanings. It’s interesting when you realize that the meaning of the name fits the person with the name. I have started to think that, perhaps, our names effect who we become? I like that thought...

7. I think God’s reminding me of days past, when I was growing roots in Him. That sounds odd, but let me explain. There’s certain songs we used to sing all the time at Calvary Christian Chapel, which would always hit me just right so I would fall into the deep love of God. I still remember there were a few songs that a blind man in a wheelchair would always sing off-key to, very loudly. He loved those songs, and he loved Jesus, and you could tell. I started chuckling tonight because we sang one of those songs, and I remembered the blind man. And then I cried, because we sang another song I remember from Calvary that always made me cry: “Like a rose trampled on the ground, You took the fall and thought of me above all.” Honestly, God has pursued me endlessly with His love, and I never intend on running from it, ever.

8. I chuckle at God’s sense of humor. When I was little, at the first church I ever went to, my mom was the one running the projector so people could see the words to the songs. I used to help her out once in a while. Now, I work the projector at church. Funny how things turn out, isn’t it? I love it! I might need a prodding once in a while, when the music changes, but I’m getting a better sense of things now.

9. I remember another thing about that first church when I was little: I used to read the Bible that sat on the pew (they always had extra Bibles there), starting with page 1. Once, they got switched around, and I lost my place... haha. Such is life!

10. I know that I still have things to let go of from my past. There are injustices that happened, that still irk me now, even a decade plus later. I’d like to say that I’ve forgiven people, but how can I say that when I still get a bit angry when I think of what happened? Just once, I’d like to look back and be able to say, “Yes, it was wrong, but they didn’t realize the destruction they were causing.” However, that’s not how it usually works out in my head. There are some things I find very easy to forgive. If it’s a deeper wound, though, I need a little bit of help with it. Bitterness can cause serious problems in your life if you don’t deal with it. I don’t want to hold onto it. Just know this: If you’re one of many who don’t care too much for “church” because you’ve been backstabbed too many times, I’ve been there. At an early age, I saw what happens when church turns ugly, and I’ve seen it since then, more than once. It is by the grace of God that I have been able to stick with the Church and with God for all this time. I can’t explain it any other way.

more to be thankful for

2009-05-25T17:10:00.002-04:00

1. perfect driving conditions
2. pretty sunsets
3. good weather
4. time with family
5. wild cod cooked right
6. Mom's cooking
7. time with friends
8. bagpipes!
9. cute little New England towns (Tyringham, for one)
10. pretty back roads (the kind with gravel and dirt, rather than pavement)
11. the joy on someone's face at receiving some of my Legos ;-)
12. the promise of dinner at the Olde Forge in the future
13. silly movies (Romancing the Stone, for one)
14. the easy flow of traffic on I-90 and 128
15. everything being put away (well... mostly everything)
16. a good, cold glass of water after a hard day's moving

Beloved

2009-05-17T20:45:00.002-04:00

She danced to music unknown, keeping in perfect rhythm to its beat. It drew her into a swaying and tilting, nearly slipping, succession of steps, though she never hit anyone or anything. It was beauty in motion, love revealed in movement. She thought she would fall many times, but it never happened. The best of it was –– no one was watching!

Unleashed

2009-05-17T19:44:00.001-04:00

Broken are the chains that held
Fast the warrior to the earth.
Crumbled are the walls that kept
Hidden the same from his purpose divine.
And what happened to the battle call?
It still goes out.

The drums of war still beat in his chest,
Calling him to fulfill his duty.
Though darkness and captivity have tried to hold him back,
He will press onwards,
Even through the midnight hour.
He will answer to the call of the battlehorn.

And when he comes to the field of battle,
Beware, those who stand in his way!
His arms are still strong,
Perhaps better able to weild his sword than before.
He will not give way to his enemies,
And he will not allow his boundaries to be crossed!

The cage is empty,
The bird free.
She sings her song
As she sits perched in a tree.

rescued from the pit

2009-05-17T19:41:00.001-04:00

Lost in the confusion of my own thoughts,
I seek a way out of this darkness,
This slimy, grimy, pit of mire
That I cannot climb out of by my own power.
I gain a foothold for a moment,
Then slip and slide once again
To the very bottom, where it is most rancid.
I cry out in misery and frustration,
Longing for some way of rescue,
Even a mere hope of a hope.
Nothing seems possible, just darkness.
Nothing, that is, until I see
A burst of light, high above,
Where the mouth of the pit yawns.
Silhouetted against the light is a hand,
A hand that reaches down to touch
My own, which is now reaching up.

He is there

2009-05-17T19:39:00.001-04:00

I may have posted this before –– I really don't remember, but I find it to be worth posting again:

When you are groggy, just barely woken up –– He is there. When you are struggling, caught between sleeping and waking, He is there. When you are awkward with your words, He is there. When you are angry and frustrated, He is there. When you feel that you have done too much evil to be worthy of His presence, He is there. When you are lost, and you do not know what way is right, He is there.

in the moonlight

2009-05-17T19:37:00.002-04:00

You stand there, waiting for me to respond.
I see You peering out over the cliff’s edge,
Looking at the brightness of the moon,
Until You turn Your face towards me,
Inviting me to join You.
Shall we look at the stars together, My Love?

Impact of Worship

2009-05-17T19:36:00.002-04:00

We dance with joy in the land, united,
Each of us expressing in his own way
Love for the Beloved.
Some shout,
Some sing,
Some are silent, in reverential awe,
Some laugh,
Some cry,
Some are on their knees,
Some on their faces,
Some leaping for joy,
Others in a wild dervish,
But all are in a state of worship.
I dance with You,
And the impact of our love causes the ground to ripple outwards.
A fragrance arises from our worship,
And I can almost see the Father breathing it in with pleasure!

Throne Room Worship

2009-05-17T19:34:00.002-04:00

The angels play hide and seek,
And still, I worship before Your throne.
I have fallen to my knees,
In awe of You.
I will indeed dance before You,
With everything that I am.
You stood up from Your seat,
And looked on me with those eyes of fire.
In one moment, You melted my heart,
And now, I seem to only find the strength
To worship You on my knees.
You have caught my eye,
And I will never look away, if I can help it.

Peace

2009-05-17T19:33:00.002-04:00

I sit quietly, listening to the bird above me singing,
Looking out over the mountains displaying their beauty,
Basking in the light of the sun.
You created me to worship You,
And I will do it gladly!

the keep

2009-05-17T01:08:00.002-04:00

There’s a song I remember singing years ago, “There’s a flag flown high in the castle of my heart, and Jesus is waiting there.” Okay, so I don’t remember all the words, but that was the basics of it.
In the old days (or, as I used to call it, “the olden days”), they used to put banners at the tops of the castle towers representing whoever was in power at the time. The most important of those flags was the one at the top of the keep, the heart of the castle, where all the royalty and all the major government dwelt. To this day, capitol buildings have a flag at the peak of the roof (take a look at the Capitol Building in Washington D.C., or the old state capitol buildings). That flag says who is in power, and it is the duty of those in the castle/capitol building to maintain that flag and keep it up there.

The keep was the most important part of the castle. If the enemy managed to capture it, the flag was taken down and replaced, showing that the castle was now occupied by a new power.

So, if you will, the things that look like flames in this picture are not flames, but declarations. See, that flag is a visual declaration, not merely a piece of fabric on a pole. I know that sounds a bit fruity, but if you think about it, it really does make sense.

In other words, whatever the circumstances in my life, I always want Jesus to be the flag on my keep, the heart of my being.

Decree

2009-05-16T17:10:00.002-04:00

Partially inspired by a dream that I had this last September (or was it August?):

Evil, you shall not pass.
You shall not touch His children,
Those washed in His blood,
Saved from their sins.
You shall not lay any claim to us,
For we are His, and His alone.
Whatever our past,
We have turned from it
And He has washed it away.
He has cleansed us and clothed us anew.
He has already paid the price for everything,
A transaction that cannot be undone.
So, while you raise up your banners ––
Tattered as they are ––
I raise up the holy covenant and my sword ––
Relationship, and the authority that stems from it.
Begone from my life, thing of darkness,
And never fiddle with me again.
For while you think you see a little and defenseless girl,
There is beside her a great Lion with hungry jaws,
Who loves her very much.

a thankfulness I have not expressed

2009-05-16T15:44:00.002-04:00

I am glad to see that one of my favorite bloggers, Jerri (http://jerriphillips.blogspot.com/), has been posting things that she is thankful for. It reminds me to be thankful, and it causes me to open my eyes to the "small things" I would normally pass off as insignificant.

1. strange dreams- An odd thing to think of being thankful for, but I really am. I find it fun to mull over odd things, such as a dream about being chased by a government turned against people of my kind. I don't expect to know what it's all about, but I enjoy mulling it over.

2. coffee- God surely invented coffee to bring us into fellowship with Him. While it can become an addiction (which almost anything can be), I am truly thankful for a few minutes with a Bible, notebook, and pen in front of me, and a coffee in my hand. Something about the scent, the flavor, and the warmth of it, is truly invigorating, and I don't mean the caffeine.

3. food- As I have to include it in my budget, I find food to be something that I am truly grateful for. I may not have everything I should like to have, but God has always made it possible for me to eat. Just a few weeks ago, I was given a dozen farm fresh eggs by a friend, which blessed me to no end. There is nothing like having fresh, unadulterated eggs for breakfast...

4. my car- So it might need a few repairs, and it might be getting elderly in nature, but I am very happy to have a car. Without it, I would not be able to get to my job, my family, my church, or anywhere else I need to get to.

5. my apartment- I am very grateful to have my own space, where I can dance, watch movies, spend time with God, be quiet or loud, or whatever. I am thankful not to have to sleep in my car, or in a strange place.

6. freedom- God was kind enough to let me be born in a country with more freedom than most. He could very easily have placed me in a nation that restricts its citizens from worshipping Him freely, where it is a crime to have more than a certain number of people gathered, or true joy is suppressed and oppressed. I could have been born in a country where people are persecuted for having any religion whatsoever. I would not have been the person I am now.

7. my Bible- I am one of those privileged to have multiple Bibles at hand, but my favorite is the oldest and most beat up of them all. It is my Aunt Carol's old KJV Bible, and I read it most of them all. Oddly enough, I also have a Bible given me by a public school superintendent! He had found it lying in the street, and it is an enormous Ryrie Study Bible, a NASB. It weighed about as much as I did at the time (well... a little less than that, but I was only in 2nd grade, so I wasn't very big at the time). It has been duct taped around the edges, because I am a Bible-beater (meaning that my Bibles somehow get really beat up, not that I beat people with them... lol). Somehow, I seem to be the one who acquires old family Bibles that have been deemed ready to be replaced. I have others, as well, but those are the ones most worthy of note.

8. furniture- It sounds funny saying this, but I have learned how important furniture is. lol. While I would love to have a couch, I am thankful to have what I do have. Frankly, I could care less whether I sleep on a bed or in a sleeping bag on the floor, because either way, I know that I have something to sleep in, and God is watching over me.

9. the Church- By this, I don't mean any specific church, but I do mean those around me who have become family, though they are not related by blood. I know I don't always agree with certain things within the Church at large, but those I am closest to have shown the most admirable of traits that humanity is capable of. Without them, I would not have moved here, and I certainly would not be as encouraged to grow into maturity as I am now. I doubt I would have learned responsibility (which I am still learning, as some know), and I would not feel safe being who I am. Honestly, I'm like an alien on this planet when I am outside of the Church. There are things I do not feel I can relate to others, which is something I want to change.

10. God's love- I don't think I have ever seen God the way some paint Him. He's not some angry guy raining down fire and brimstone on people who steal coffee mugs from work or break their mother's lamp with a thrown baseball. Honestly, that's just silly. He is much more forgiving than we give Him credit for. That's not to say that we should do those things without guilt –– If I purposefully attack someone in a nasty way, I should definitely bring that to God and change my ways. I know that we are all works in progress, and God is the One who shapes us. I can't even think of trying to change someone else –– that's God's job, not mine! And while He disciplines those He loves, and brings things to our attention that we need to deal with, He is never nasty about it. The most amazing part of it all is that He loves us, no matter what!

I think that's it, for the moment. I'll be back when I have more. ;-)

Mystery

2009-05-10T21:44:00.002-04:00

Look into My eye, and see the peace that dwells there.
Feel the rushing wind of My Spirit, and know that I am here.
Let My words of wisdom be ingrained on your heart,
Changing you, that you may be more like Me.
Remember the day on which I came to this earth in the form of a baby,
And the star that shone brighter than any other during that time.
Remember well the tent of the Tabernacle,
Where Joshua dwelt to be with Me.
See the love I have for you.
It never ends and never fades.
See the fierceness of it,
And know that I will never let go of you,
Even if it means the most torturous of deaths!
Know that I am God, and I alone!

Far From Home

2009-05-10T21:41:00.003-04:00

Perhaps I posted this before, but in any case, here it is with the picture that goes with it!

Far from home,
Lies a mystery to all.
Will you leave the comfort
Of all that is familiar
To seek the answer
That unfolds the mystery?
Traveling through the dark,
Between the stars
And the sun and the moon,
Journeying deep into the dark,
Beyond the night
To find the light,
The Only One ––
They say to seek,
And ye shall find.
They say to knock,
And the door shall open.
Will you seek the mystery?
Will you knock on the door
Of the only One who knows
Every answer to every question?
Find yourself awakening
In the dwelling of the King
Beyond the stars,
Beyond the night,
Farther than the farthest thing.

His Eye

2009-05-07T22:52:00.001-04:00

His eye draws me in,
Like a black hole, almost,
Except that there is no darkness in Him.
It pulls me, sucking me deeper into mysteries not yet discovered.
Full of wisdom,
Full of grace,
Full of mercy.
He is the only Being older than time itself,
The Ancient of Days,
And I can feel His gaze.
Having seen all that has happened,
And knowing all that is to come,
He sits outside of time,
Looking for the one willing to risk a glance in His direction.
I don’t want to merely be seen anymore.
I want to look full into His face.
I desire to gaze deeply into His eyes,
Allowing Him to draw me ever closer to Him.

Hand of God

2009-05-03T14:32:00.002-04:00

I will rest in the palm of the Almighty,
Knowing that He is the ruler of the universe!
Though the world around me may seem scary at times,
I will not be afraid, because
Anyone would have to be crazy to mess with Him!
If you think money is a problem, think again.
He owns the cattle on the thousand hills, and more besides!
If you think health will hold me back, you are wrong.
He is the Healer!

Light Conquers

2009-04-28T20:50:00.000-04:00

Light cuts through the darkness,
Much more than a knife could cut through anything.
It is reminiscent of a peice of fabric being sheared through.
Darkness falls away as the light makes way for more brilliance.
It cannot stand the brightness.
It seeks a hiding place, but it will find none.
Do we not realize that the light is greater?

He is King

2009-04-28T20:47:00.002-04:00

He is the King of It All.
Lord of Hosts,
Prince of Peace.
Lord of Lords,
King of Kings.
Every weapon and sword lies at His feet.
Every crown is laid down before Him
Every flag and banner is surrendered to Him.
Every knee is bowed down to Him.
Every tongue, nation, and tribe confesses that He is Lord.
He is sovereign.

The Tower

2009-04-28T20:42:00.002-04:00

Trapped in the tower of her own making,
The key thrown out the window towards the door,
She waited in the waning moonlight,
Wishing she had not said more.

All her desires for quietness
Had quickly turned her heart sour.
The moment the clock had first struck ––
Yes, yes, it was in that very hour,
She prayed that someone would find the key
And set her free from this tower!

Where can I hide?

2009-04-28T20:39:00.001-04:00

Where can I hide?
Where can I go from Your presence?
For You are in the depths of the sea,
At the heights of the mountains,
In the deepest of valleys,
From the highest of heaven’s steps,
To the bottom of Sheol.
You are everywhere!
I could run, but I could never hide!

Josiah

2009-04-27T23:21:00.002-04:00

Take a moment to look at this story, and tell me it’s not incredible:

Josiah was eight years old when he became the king of Israel. He was not contending for power, and he did not ask for it. It was by a miracle that he was made king.

Think about it. Would you have considered yourself ready to command an entire nation at the age of eight? How is this possible? And yet, it happened.

And when he became king, he had the Temple repaired. At the time, Israel was in rebellion against God. There were all kinds of things going on that shouldn’t have been, and Josiah had grown up in the middle of it. How, then, did he know to put a stop to all of the nonsense? Why did God allow an eight year old boy to take the throne of His people?

I’ll tell you why:
“In the eighth year of his reign, while he was yet young, he began to seek after the God of David his father...” (2 Chronicles 34:3a).

In thinking of this, I realized how odd it must seem to our minds now. I don’t know about you, but I find it hard picturing a kid as the President of the United States, or as the Prime Minister of England. I can’t, for the life of me, see an eight year old ruling any nation. It’s a very hard job to do, even for adults! And so, I drew a picture.

It may not be historically accurate, but it gets the idea across. Young boy wearing a crown and royal colors being saluted by an honor guard with big swords on horseback. Does that not say it all?

Wir tanzen

2009-04-26T21:03:00.004-04:00

We dance in synchronized moves,
Snapping our fingers,
Stepping like prancing horses.
Our hearts entwined with our footsteps,
We pass one another again and again.
Our hands touch for a fleeting moment,
And we circle once or twice
Before we start the dance once more.

Passion

2009-04-26T20:55:00.003-04:00

"His face is writhing with the pain, yet it's comforting to me."
~(Passion, sung by Kutless on the album, "Sea of Faces")"Amidst the pain,
You're not alone,
Though you can't see through the haze.
His eyes of love are staring down,
And He feels your troubled heart."
(also sung by Kutless)

Up From The Depths

2009-04-26T20:42:00.003-04:00

You have called me
Up from the depths of darkness,
Drawing me into the light from the sea of selfishness.
You have brought me up,
Taking me into Your arms.
From the unknown blackness of death,
You have pulled me into the daylight.
You knew where I was the entire time,
And you waited patiently for me to stop thrashing about.
You awoke in me the truth of who You are.
Your unending mercy never ceases to amaze me,
Even when I know that I have willfully done wrong.
And so, it is with every breath in my body
That I thank You now.

His Banner Over Me Is Love

2009-04-26T20:30:00.004-04:00

His banner over me is Love.
He tells me daily that He loves me,
But do I always believe Him?
I'd like to think so, but I know myself too well to say yes.
It is His expressed wish that I know daily, hourly, every moment, that He loves me without bounds.
He would like you to know that He feels the same way for you, every moment of every day and night.
He is full of perfect love,
And perfect love casts out all fear.
Perfect love begets trust, begets covenant, begets truth in the innermost being.
Perfect love is what keeps this clock ticking, even when the ground shakes beneath, and the sky looks dark.
All that I must do is look up to the heavens,
And I will remember-
His banner over me is Love.

Flowers of Yesteryear

2009-04-24T22:13:00.003-04:00

I was walking today, and I saw a few dead flowers from last year. It made me think for a moment:
While they were pretty last year, they are but shadows of what they used to be now. Unless they have some herbal significance, they are now useless. In the past, they might have looked nice if cut and put into a vase, but at the present, they have dried out and lost their color. It sort of reminds me of the manna that fell from heaven for the Israelites in the desert. God said to take a certain amount, and to eat it all that day. It's in the book, but if you don't believe me, go into Exodus. They were told not to store it up or hoard it. A few tried, and it turned mouldy and wormy (ewe).

I suppose this would apply to certain other things as well. While I may have taken joy from past experiences with God, they are the experiences of yesteryear, and they will not do to sustain me for the present. I don't know if I can give a clear example of what I mean..

Jumble of Yesterday's Thoughts

2009-04-14T21:38:00.000-04:00

Written Yesterday (April 13, 2009):

I am not going to give you the entire info of what’s going on in my life right now. I am, however, going to give you an allegorical idea of it, and what I'm learning.

I picture myself as a spooked horse, rearing at the sight of a tiny, non-poisonous snake. There is no reason that the horse could not easily crush the snake, but somehow it scares her. Her master reaches out and touches her, coaxing her to quiet. She could hurt herself and others with her fear, and it is completely unreasonable to worry about such a small thing.

A situation may seem stressful, even painful, but in the long run, it is best to trust God to deal with it. If you are not careful with your words, thoughts, and actions, you might hurt yourself or others. When all is said and done, you will probably look back and laugh at yourself.

In short, perfect love casts out fear. Is this phrase a bit cliché now? Perhaps, but it is no less true.
And who is the source of this perfect love?

I have to remind myself day in and day out: God is my Provider. While I do work to earn my keep, I find more and more that I have to lean on God to make it through the next few minutes, nevermind the rest of the week. I can no longer prance about with the attitude that “I can conquer the world on my own!” because I cannot possibly conquer the world without Someone by my side.

Do I have the endurance to keep going when all seems lost? Not without Him, I can tell you that much! That verse comes to mind, “Though You slay me, yet will I trust You.” It is a verse that I have frequently flitted over, but it is something that needs to be ingrained in me. I cannot let myself fall into fear and self-pity when I have absolutely no excuse for it. It may look like nothing is going right, but I can assure you, when He says He is in control, He means it!

So this is me, taking a stand. I say I have not given up on Him, because I know He will never give up on me. I say that He will not give up on you, either. He is after all of us, but not to punish us. He wants to lavish us with His love and mercy.

Music Flows

2009-03-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

All day, the music flows, more often in my head, like I have an internal iPod going, but also in my ears. Songs of worship, songs of love, songs of lament, songs of victory, songs with and without words, songs written and unwritten. They all merge into one colorful stream of sound, and I feel myself inadvertently start to dance to their rhythm. It is the sound that draws me near, a tide of harmonies and melodies, with various beats and nuances. Music is but one of the many tongues with which my heavenly Father speaks, a language that cannot be interpreted with mere words. Even when it is, something is lost in the translation, but I can still smell the incense that rises before the throne...

Drink deep...

New Day

2009-03-18T16:50:00.001-04:00

I posted this on facebook, and decided it was good "Vessel for God" material, so here it is:

"New Day"

Sleep well, my friend, when eventime arrives,
Though dawn will be nigh on the shores of this land.
On the edge of the morrow, I lay me down to sleep,
Words and moments fleeting through my thoughts
Before slumber takes my eyes captive.

Sleep well, my friend, when the horizon grows dark,
Though the coming day brings to your door
New challenges not met before,
Or perhaps a battle all too familiar, and now unwelcome.
Sleep well, and let your heart be at rest.

For tomorrow is ever a new day,
An adventure yet to be brought to light.
When the sun’s first rays shine on thee,
Turn your face to the heavens and arise!
The walls of Jericho shall fall!

Born to sing

2009-03-03T22:52:00.001-05:00

First and foremost, I must say that I do not recommend either of two things: 1. shoveling in the early morning just before going to work, and 2. slamming your knee into a piano bench very, very hard. However, I do recommend that you listen to this great song that just came out on CD, but before I do, a confession:

I may have said this before, but I am a self-proclaimed U2 fan. I own almost all of their CD’s, but that is not what makes me a fan. What makes me a fan is that I have the drive to buy one of their CD’s (eventually) when it comes out, and I find that they are one of very few bands whose music I am willing to listen to almost continuously without getting sick of it. See, they don’t come out with new albums often enough for it to be a financial burden, though I could handle having a lot more of their music, should they decide to crank out half a dozen a year (which would be impossible: it takes a LOT of work to put out a CD!). Anyhow... I don’t have all the books that a fan “should” have, etc., but I have a strong appreciation for their work’s artistic value, and the honest effort they put into it. Enough of that, and on to the real subject!

I always find at least one song per CD that catches me as a real mind-blower. If I catch it before the radio stations do, I’m even crazier about it!

In this case, it’s “Magnificent”:

Magnificent
Magnificent
I was born
I was born to be with you
In this space and time
After that and ever after I haven’t had a clue
Only to break rhyme
This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise...
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
Magnificent
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love unites our hearts
Justify till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
Magnificent
Magnificent

~U2’s “Magnificent,” No Line On The Horizon, 2009~

I have to honestly say that this song reminds me most of worship:
“I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise...”

Good stuff, and if you look at it just right, you can catch something from it!

And I do have to say... The Edge is probably my favorite guitarist ever... I’m not dissing other guitarists, but I have heard other musicians attempt his chords and fail miserably. Well... perhaps I have heard one person get it right (you know who you are!), but... his playing takes me off the very rim of “just listening” into being “swept off my feet” by the music. Combined with Bono’s voice and poetry, it’s a potent thing that draws me deeply into the unknown... Bono has it right: he was indeed born to sing for the King!

And it makes me wonder... what would it have been like to hear David sing with his harp?

thoughts of the day...

2009-03-02T00:39:00.001-05:00

My fingers are purple and blue from today’s efforts, and my dyeing hungers are all but satisfied. I’m not sure what I want to do, but I want to continue experimenting. All the same, I have a slight shortage of cyan, one of the primary colors, and I haven’t much material to work with. I also have to consider my recent works with paint, and the possibilities with that...

The writing of late has been poetry and such, but not the likes of which to share. At some point, I decided that not all of my writing is to be shared. This is not necessarily because I’m hiding things, but because some things are meant to be between me and God. It’s just how it is. There are other things I have been meaning to put up, but it has not been time, or I haven’t thought of it at the right moment. Stories haven’t really come to mind of late, either... Of course, it doesn’t help much that I’ve been on facebook quite a lot in the past several weeks.

In other bits of my life- my cooking is adventurous, as ever. I still use garlic to such a degree as to scare most normal people (unless they love garlic as well), and my inventiveness is enough to terrify my coworkers when I open up my lunch... haha.

As the days go by, it becomes more and more painfully clear to me that I am still learning a lot of things. Really, I’m starting to wonder if I should just read the Love Chapter (I Corinthians 13) every spare minute of the day, just to soak it in, but... that’s another story. God help me, I want so much to be faithful, truthful, and loving, but when nit comes to grit, I often wonder whether I have acted on those traits. I know it is all part of the growing, but that makes it no less aggravating... I need to stop navel-gazing (as one good friend of mine calls it)... Honestly, if I really thought about it, I’d realize that all those good things, the love, the faithfulness, etc., come from loving God and hanging out with Him- as it’s said, “You are what you behold.” If I keep focusing on what’s wrong with me, will I ever grow out of those things that I dislike in myself? On the flip side, if I hang out with God, get to know Him, and all that, I’ll start reflecting Him! Enough said!

Hungry God

2009-03-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

This is a poem written as a gift to God, and this picture goes with it:

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
The land shakes beneath His feet!
He is coming! Are you ready?
People and angels alike scramble to prepare for His arrival.
Are you ready to receive the King?
Am I ready for Him, or do I hold onto things of no worth?
A mighty roar sounds, announcing the jealous love
Of a King unmatched by any other being.
And I say, “Come, be with me,
Lover of my soul, King of my heart!”
My Husband is my Maker.
He provides for me.
He sings and dances over me with great joy!
He carried me from the desert place to be with Him in His garden!
He roars in passionate love for me,
And what a glorious sound it is!
My God is a ravenously hungry God.
He longs –– nay, yearns ––
For His Lover, His Bride, His Friend.
And I cry, “My King, I will dance for You in the secret place.
I will listen to the beat of Your heart as I press my ear to Your breast.
For You are precious to me ––
More precious, by far, than anything that I could ever possess.
Without You, existence would be worthless to me,
And I long to give you everything, as if it would sum up Your worth,
But that is not enough.
There is nothing of worth that I could ever give to You,
But for my heart and my whole being,
For there is nothing else in this universe
That would satisfy Your hunger!”
All this to say in so many words,
What can be summarized in three ––
“I love You!”

12/11/08

The Day, in words...

2009-02-10T23:11:00.001-05:00

Today was odd. Any day that starts out with listening to a CD, which is perfectly timed to the length of your commute (off by about a minute or two), ought to be interesting.

In this case, it was the single of “Elevation”, a song by the belovéd and famous Irish rock band, U2. The song is repeated four times, each version quite different from the last.

Being as I have been playing with my car stereo a lot lately, to get “the perfect sound,” it made the morning commute even more fun. And I mean it when I say it was fun.

The last track was the best, the “Quincy and Sonance Remix.” Now, I have never been to a German discotheque, and I’m not sure I ever will explore one, but I felt like I was in one this morning... in my car. The bass alone was causing my seat to vibrate at the sheer volume. The sounds were positively wonderous and addicting. I did not want that song to end! In fact, I waited outside the office for the song to finish before I shut off my car. I seem to have taken to doing that lately. Yesterday it was Thrice’s album, “Vheissu,” and today it was “Elevation.” What next? Who knows...

At any rate, all this goes to prove that I am indeed my father’s daughter. If you want an explanation, I will be brief. He likes his music very much, and he likes it loud. Oftentimes you can distinguish the words of the song when he is at home listening to music on his headphones. Yes, even from across the room, without him singing along (but dancing in his recliner ;-) ). It is the most hilarious thing ever! I love you, Dad!

The rest of the day is a blur –– I cleaned 3 houses total with 2 different people (one at the first two, the other at the third), 2 people got sick during the day, and I came to a state of disliking humanity once more. Wading through traffic at the end of a long day (although it truly was short, timewise) will do that to you, especially if you start off tired in the first place. Let me tell you; when I am tired and hungry, and I really want to get home asap, I start to see the side of myself I wish never existed. It doesn’t seem to matter what music I am playing, I get very aggravated by other drivers, and it seems like everyone is purposefully driving badly. It’s all an illusion, of course, but that makes it no less irritating.

I crashed when I arrived at the house, after settling in, of course. I rarely take naps, even when I’m tired, but this time, I could not resist. I’m still somewhat anti-social, but much less likely to growl when people come near.

*hours later*-
I just finished watching “Caspian” for the first time in a long time, and I had forgotten how awesome it was. Really. Those battle scenes are riveting –– makes me want to fence again! But, of course, one of my favorite scenes has very little to do with fighting. The Telmarine armies are trying to get across the river, driven by Narnians, yet a figure stands in their way: Lucy, the harmless looking young lady. She smiles unsettlingly, then draws out her dagger, and you see the nervous look on the commander’s face. Perhaps it is because of her confidence that she can stand alone with only a dagger to protect herself that unnerves him, but Aslan comes to stand beside her and roars. It’s just such a cool moment! I mean, really. It’s like that with us. We look small and harmless, but really, we’ve got the Lion of Judah standing next to us! Haha... I love it!

sounds (another strange posting...)

2009-01-25T15:31:00.000-05:00

The sound of an organ is altogether rustic, archaic, eccentric, great and terrible, but delicate and beautiful. There must be an enormous organ in heaven, with an endless set of pipes, to boot! The glorious noise sets its shoulders forward, rendering the hearer into a state of meltdown, or into a wild frenzy. Thousands of pounds of air pressure release into metal pipes, some of htem as short as a pinkie toe, and others taller than a castle, hitting the air with its musical voice.

Thousands of people giving a battlecry
Must be like hitting a wall of sound
An army wave, but audible
Invading the very air
Deafening
Thwarting
Not only piercing
But pushing forward like a wall of spears
Destroying anything in its path
Any hope of escape
Any hope of victory
But for the horde of strength
An ominous foe
Whose men are bolstered with confidence
By the overflow of sound
An outcry so powerful
That it breaks solid stone.

a great song I love.

2009-01-19T14:31:00.001-05:00

Not only has this been stuck in my head endlessly for the past two or three days, it certainly applies to my life:

Song: Come Awake
Band: David Crowder Band
Album: A Collision or (3+4=7)

Are we left here on our own? Can you feel when your last breath is gone? Night is weighing heavy now. Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say... Come awake, from sleep arise. You were dead, become alive. Wake up, wake up, open your eyes. Climb from your grave into the light. Bring us back to life. You are not the only one who feels like the only one. Night will soon be lifted, friend. Just be quiet and wait for a voice that will say... Rise, rise, to life, to life... Shine. Light will shine. Love will rise. Light will shine, shine, shine, shine. He’s shining on us now.

Ransom... and the Great Poet...

2009-01-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

Hosea 13:14-
“I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death: O death, I will be thy plagues; O grave, I will be thy destruction: repentance shall be hid from mine eyes” (KJV).

I like the KJV for a variety of reasons. Firstly, because I started out with this version, and, secondly, because it is so strikingly poetic. It does have its inaccuracies, just as any translation will, but who can resist the beauty of God’s words in Old English? Anyhow... let’s get back to the point.

It struck me, as I read this verse, just how awesome God is. This verse is certainly prophetic, as is a good portion of the Bible. If speaks of Jesus (who is God, the one speaking) being the one to pay the ransom (His life) to rescue mankind from death (sin) and the grave (hell). [okay, so the parentheses are getting a tad annoying. I apologize... in brackets. :-P] Almost all of Hosea is God giving words to Hosea for Israel, and this verse is no exception. However, I think that the “them” mentioned in this verse is not just Israel, but all of us. Bear with me for just a moment, now.

My friend, He has paid the ransom for your soul, saving you from eternal damnation –– if you will accept it. He did not simply do this for His own sake, but so that you can hang out with Him forever. Trust me, this is no vain promise. Like Horton-who-heard-a-who, He means what He says, and He says what He means! He has already defeated death and the grave, and He has absolutely no regrets about it!

And who knew that God is a love-struck poet, given to speaking sweet somethings into His Beloved’s ear? For you are His Beloved, if you accept it. I can see Him in my mind, like one of the Renaissance poets, standing under the balcony of the one He loves, not caring whether he is scorned or challenged for His words. All that He desires is to gaze on His Beloved!

Tenacity

2008-12-29T22:43:00.004-05:00

Tonight, I am going to write somewhat sporadically... So what else is new? Well... I'm going on a few pictures to work with, so bear with me.

Let me tell you about a special little creature. Most would not think of it as tough or fierce, but it is indeed both. I am talking about the beta fish, also known as the Siamese fighting fish. It is popularly believed that the male beta fish changes color when aggravated. I suppose this is true, but if you ever met Misty, my mom's fish, you'd know that they change with the light, so... it is really hard to say.

If there is one thing I know our finned friend for, it is-
Misty has herself a fit if you so much as flick a finger in the direction of her food. She knows her mealtimes very, very well, and she is not afraid to ram into your finger to get her edibles. This is one thing that has won her favor with me. She is bolder than any fish I ever knew... and perhaps a little smarter. But enough of my friend the fish. Let's move on.

I seem to be on a roll for tenacity, and standing my ground, of late. It is my desire to see the church truly stake out her territory, even the ground she already has, and stand her ground! If God has said that it is His, it is indeed His, but we cannot allow the enemy to walk all over us as if it isn't.

The picture below has a very short poem-ish thing to go with it, basically a challenge... but I'm leaving it out for now.
Are we willing to fight when we are completely surrounded?Perhaps that is a bit daunting, but there it is. One thing that we can be thankful for, however, is that the Lord sends His angels to protect us.
Okay, that seems more like a cheesy forward than a blog, but... there you go.

Pirate Movies and Swordsmen

2008-12-27T23:08:00.005-05:00

I simply cannot help it. When I watch movies that contain pirates and whatnot, I do two things that might be considered odd, unless you know me.

1. I watch the fights for any interesting moves. This is not because I enjoy violence (at least, not on a serious level), or intend on having any fights against pirates. It is because I am a swordsman and a dancer. Having more ideas is priceless.

2. I draw medieval warfare. Somehow, seeing swordsmanship on the "silver screen" inspires me to create scenes of equal violence (or at least, of equal intensity). This is often how I express things that I hear or see in my mind.

My frustration comes when I cannot get out on paper what is in my head... either in words or in pictures.
Hmmmm...

A Dye-ing Day's Efforts, etc.

2008-12-22T14:26:00.001-05:00

To begin with, for those of you who don’t know, I often prefer to spell “colour” the British way, though I am an American. Call me a brat (which I am), but that’s how it is!

I always forget how much of a state of worship I get into when Papa gets me doing a batch of dyeing. It’s not just the act of co-creation. Seeing all those really brilliant colours, and knowing that they will all work together into something really amazing is so completely awesome, I cannot describe the delight I take in it! I have another confession to make: I love colour very, very much. It can be almost any colour, and I will find something to like about it... Yes, even slimy booger green... haha.

So... Now I am impatiently waiting for all these silks to dry. This is a huge test of patience for me. Normally, I would lay the wet silks out flat, but I had to leave these crumpled into soaked wads of fabric, as there’s limited room, and I wanted to get as much done as I possibly could (I had a project). My goodness, it takes so long!

I decided to dye the socks that I was wearing as well, since there was no way I was going to throw them in the wash in that state of colour. Since I have been told I have “flaming feet” (an interesting story), I resolved to dye them in a fiery colour (the socks, not my feet). When I dyeset everything, they will be in with the rest!

Now comes the problem of how much dyeset I have... Surely it’s not enough for all these future flags; one or two of them are gigantically huge...

As well as all that, I dyed 5 yds of dupione silk for me mum to play with, in all the colours that she suggested when I asked her what colours to pick (without telling her what they were for). The results are yet to be known, as it is still folded up and drying (arg...).

In the meantime, I need to go out to get water (the tap water is not good to drink), but I am waiting till things dry more, so the dogs don’t decide to investigate too closely...

Earlier on, I had a moment of thought that was quite... well... normal for me, perhaps, but odd for most. I was reminded of a moment in “Fifth Element” (sci-fi movie), where the hero and the heroine of the story are trying to save the world, but the heroine is exhausted and wounded, and simply does not have the strength to go on. It is only when the hero stands with her and encourages her to go on, that they succeed together. Yes, it is a silly movie, but that moment always struck me as interesting. I’m not entirely sure how to express what I got from it, but perhaps you can figure it out?

Alright then... I will continue where I left off before that little rant. After dyeing, I had the mind to take out my flags and worship for a bit (after washing the dishes, of course), and it was awesome... I was reminded of the awesomeness of God, and how joyful it is to dance before Him. See, He takes delight in His children, as any good father should.

Okay... I’m done... for now.

A Culmination of Thoughts...

2008-11-24T00:05:00.001-05:00

This weekend, if you include Thursday and Friday, I have watched four movies, all filled with meaning (well... to me, they are). Let me give you a summary of the thoughts that were birthed by each one:

1. Thursday night: Enemy at the Gates
While there is one scene that seemed long even when I fast-forwarded through it, I took quite a bit from this film. I’d seen it once before, a few years ago, and I’d forgotten all about the basics of it. It’s strange how that happens: you wait a few years, watch it on your own, and then you see a whole lot more in it than ever before, as if you’ve never seen it before. Anyhow...
It seems strange to me, but it appears that a hero is someone who dares to do what needs to be done, rather than cowering in a corner. Take the hero of this movie, for instance. Because he was taught how to hunt wolves by his grandfather, he was able to shoot with deadly accuracy, more of a sniper than a footsoldier. He did not ask for fame, and he most certainly did not ask for power, but he rescued the right guy, hit the right targets, and was met with a challenge that he did not feel he could beat. But he did beat it. It was not until his friend gave his life that he was able to find his rival and kill him. One quote sticks with me, that you can take away class, you can take away money, but there will always be envy. You would have to watch it to get the context, but think about it. This is Communist Russia that we are talking about, and the man who says this is a propagandist, the very man who gave the hero fame throughout all of Russia (a very big country to have fame in). It might not have been intended, but this movie gives a very clear message: without Christ, we cannot kill the enemy inside of us, what we Christians like to call the flesh. It is the part of every human being that would have what “I” want, and not what God wants. It is what motivates us to do things that should not even be thought about. I am telling you, there is no other way to deal with it, than to give it over to God. And please... Pray for Russia!

2. Friday night: The Patriot
Amazing, really. In these days, I often wonder why some of us forget the sacrifice that people have bled for this country. I do not want to think that our forefathers gave their lives, and the lives of their children, merely to see their descendants squabbling over politics and petty things. This country was founded out of a desire for freedom from tyranny, a fight for recognition as a sovereign nation. It was a desire to be considered equal. I do not know if the British really had men so terribly brutal as the man in that movie, but I know that our nation was much better united then than it is now. We truly were one nation under God, and we can be again, if we work on it. Freedom is not free. That much is obvious to me. Anyway... I ramble. Back to the film.
If we sit and let oppression and division walk all over us, it is worse than death. It is better to die a martyr than it is to give in to tyranny. But our enemy is not man. Our enemy is evil itself, the same thing that would cause division between us. To fight it, we must find common ground to stand on. I refuse to sit and watch everything taken from me without saying anything. Friends, family, my future, the future of others; all of them are worth fighting for. When I say fighting, I don’t mean physical combat. I am talking of prayer and worship, etc. Before I even think of writing letters to anyone, I will petition the King of Kings. But what am I saying? Am I rambling again? Yep. I am.
So... while I may have taken a lot from this movie, some of it will not come out on paper. At least, not yet. I have more to say of other things.

3. Sunday afternoon: The Shawshank Redemption
I’m not entirely sure I got much from this movie. It was a great movie, I’ll give you that. There was much talk of hope in it. I guess you could say... Don’t give up hope. You don’t know what’s up ahead. Though things might look dank and terrible, there’s always the possibility of your circumstances being turned around, a complete 180 degree turn!

4. Sunday evening: Braveheart
I love this movie, so I watched it again, starting at 8pm. I realize it’s 3 hrs. long, but I was in the mood to see it, and I wasn’t about to let time get in the way! Once more, I saw almost the same thing as what I got from the Patriot. If we do not unite, we are already defeated. If we do not stand up and fight, the enemy will use us as bathroom rugs. But we cannot win this battle unless we let the truth take root in our hearts and run with it. Think about it. William Wallace gave his life for his country, longing for freedom without the threat of oppression. Instead of building a farm and a family, things he truly desired, he fought for the right to have it without tyranny overshadowing his lands. Even to the end, he refused to let his spirit be broken; even when they tortured him to death, he still cried out for freedom!

So... a summary?
Our “flesh” (if you will forgive the overused Christianese expression) needs to die. We need unity to overcome evil, and the only way to this is to find common ground with each other. Within the Church (and by this, I mean all of Christianity, not any particular denomination), this would be Christ, not doctrine. If we truly love Christ, and each other, there is no way we can be divided. Our common ground should be in our allegiance to the King of Kings, not in believing certain things or having this or that, etc. If we are to overcome, we must not give up this allegiance, this love, or we will be trampled underfoot.

A hymn

2008-10-29T22:43:00.003-04:00

I discovered this hymn while I was messing around on the piano. I decided it'd be cool to open the hymnal to a random page and try to play whatever tune presented itself. I was not disappointed! It wasn't just the words, either. The tune itself is amazing.

Hail the Glorious Golden City:

Hail the glorious golden city,
Pictured by the seers of old!
Everlasting light shines o'er it,
Wondrous tales of it are told.
Only righteous men and women
Dwell within its gleaming wall;
Wrong is banished from its borders,
Justice reigns supreme o'er all.

We are builders of that city;
All our joys and all our groans
Help to rear its shining ramparts;
All our lives are building stones.
Whether humble or exalted,
All are called to task divine;
All must aid alike to carry
Forward one sublime design.

And the work that we have builded,
Oft with bleeding hands and tears,
Oft in error, oft in anguish,
Will not perish with our years.
It will live and shine transfigured
In the final reign of right;
It will pass into the splendors
Of the city of the light.

Banners of the Unknown

2008-10-22T21:31:00.003-04:00

It took me years to get this one. Firstly, the drawing was a big challenge for me, because of the perspective of it. Then, I just couldn't get the writing done! Well, after much delay, I finally give it to you:

Banners of the Unknown

In the olden days, there was a walled city that had a wide road running round it with great, broad walls rising equally on each side. It was the kind of wall you would see on a great castle, with gaps in the stonework on the top for the archers to dodge behind when missiles came flying in. Balanced above the road were poles with many banners hanging down from them, each one different from the other.

The occasional battle would occur outside the city walls, and the townspeople would gather the banners of the unrecognized fallen when all was done. It was these that hung from the wooden poles, like banners hanging from the rafters in a great hall.

It was the hope of the townspeople that these banners would each be recognized someday by people who knew them. Some had hung there for quite some time, and others were more recent. Once in a while, a stranger would enter the city and find a banner he could identify. Sometimes a stranger would recognize more than one.
When a banner was recognized, an attempt was made to give it back to the rightful owner, or a descendant. If no person could claim it, but it was named, it was sent to the High King, to hang in his halls. If it belonged to an enemy of the King, it was still sent to him, so he could decide what should be done with it.

Alien, Unfamiliar, Foreign

2008-10-22T18:47:00.003-04:00

Alien, Unfamiliar, Foreign
Yet it should all be real to me
My eyes, my touch, and all my senses
Know this whole world,
But it suddenly does not feel like home.
Alone
A stranger in a strange world
Seperated, far from home
Unsure of the best way to return
Yet longing so much to find something new
Something more foreign to this world than myself
But I am not alone.
It feels that way, for sure,
But I am far from alone.
His angels guard me,
And He is always at my side
Lending me His peace, His love, His joy
Giving me His very presence.
Numb,
Numb to this foreign planet
Until a ray of His light,
His love is poured out on me.

Hope and Faith

2008-10-22T18:45:00.002-04:00

Hope and Faith
Faith and Hope
Holding on to what is not
But to what should be
Rebelling from the thoughts that say
That I don't see another way
Joyful in the knowledge kept
That willing hearts may accept
All is not as it should be
But trusting God for it to see
All things are possible in Christ

Music in Papa's Head

2008-10-22T18:42:00.002-04:00

I wanna' hear the music in my Papa's head!
I wanna' hear the music in my Father's head!
Are the angels dancin'?
Can He hear them sing?
Are they playin' drums now
To the rhythm of His fingers?
I can hear Him tappin' away,
Tappin'away with His fingers.
Movin' His body to the tune in His head.
Oh how I wish that
I could hear it.
Oh I wanna' know it ––
The music in my Papa's head...

A repeat

2008-10-22T18:40:00.001-04:00

Click on the title (look at the original post), and yes, this is a repeat, but it seems needed...

Verses

2008-10-22T18:22:00.002-04:00

Some verses that struck me, yet I forgot to post them... I think... some of it may be a repeat... here goes:

Psalm 66:3+4+12:
"Say unto God, How terrible art thou in thy works! through the greatness of they power shall thine enemies submit themselves unto thee. All the earth shall worship thee, and shall sing unto thee; they shall sing to thy name. Selah.... Thou has caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place." (KJV, if you couldn't figure that out from the language)

Psalm 71:10-12:
"For mine enemies speak against me; and they that lay wait for my soul take counsel together, Saying, "God hath forsaken him: persecute and take him; for there is none to deliver him." O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help." (KJV)
When I read this, I saw a warrior weary from the battle, unable to defend himself any longer. His enemies had chased away or killed all of his comerades, and now they came to slaughter him.
He cried out in desperation, calling out for deliverance. He did not want to die in this way, dishonored by his enemies, and cruelly torn from life.
Nearly all hope was gone. It was no match for the strength and brutality of the enemy. Very little remained for this warrior, and his life would surely be taken. Then, he did not see it coming, a lion leapt into the fray, pouncing on the greatest of his enemies, and roaring with fury. The lion led an army full of a strength greater than that of the enemy. The lion had rescued his warrior.

Godspeed

2008-10-17T19:16:00.002-04:00

inspired by the painting below, "Godspeed," painted by Edmund Blair Leighton (one of my favorites...):

Will I ever see you again? I give you my token to carry into battle, this one scrap of myself sacrificed to give you a small comfort in the midst of chaos. May the work of my hands, entrusted with my scent, be to you a diversion from fear. And yet I wonder. Will you survive this war? You must go, I understand. You are a blademaster, yes. But even the most skilled of warriors may be cut down in a moment. You may become weary, confused, stunned, even wounded. Arrows might find a chink in your armor, their points creating mortal wounds.
If nothing else, remember me. Fight for me. Risk everything for me. Keep yourself for me. Live for me. Hold to your honor for me. While your sword and shield may protect you, love will help you to survive this battle, and only love. It will lend fire to your soul. Though your foes be many and strong, you will take down ten in one blow when you think of me!
Hold fast to my love, dearest one, and do not falter!